Sometimes in life we often take things for granted just because they are always there for you when you need them, just like how your mother will always be there for you unconditionally. When ive thought back about this year, my life was really a mess, even on new year's eve when i dwelled over a guy that was taken which, i admit, i really really liked back in my primary school days. Guess i was just a moment too late. But oh well! Being in temasek secondary for the last year really excites me because, like ive said a many thousand of times, that i cannot wait to get out of this hell hole. I've always thought that my life would suck throughout my secondary four years. Yes, sometimes it sucked, but things turned out better. Somehow, i started becoming real close to azizah and yixian whom had became my best friends in temasek. Ive also met many random awesome people along the way and got close with like hema and karan. Of course, some had always stayed as good friends. What was the turning point in my life was the guy that sat right beside me during the 1st lesson in chemistry lab. Sure, we often talked a little and poked fun at each other during titration in the midst of preparing for our spa. However, we didnt really speak to each other outside the lab. One day, he decided to text me after our end of year chemistry paper and we started to text. As he seemed like a really typical-oh-so-nice-and-innocent guy, i made the effort to continue texting him and it turned out to be a daily routine. I started pouring out all my deepest darkest secrets to him that i would have never told anyone and trusted him more and more when the days go by. He is indeed a reliable and trustworthy guy that any girl who die to have as their 'gay guy friend' because he never judges, and trust me, he doesnt. At the start of the year, i was still very lovestruck and fantasize about a really attractive guy, whom of course i knew, would never be with me even if i had dream. He was the one who brought me out of my fantasy and started telling me to give it up because i deserved better. And yes, it is definitely true. However, i started to treat him really bad because i knew he was someone who will not retaliate even when its downright my fault and im being unreasonable. I can go to the extend whereby i could feel anger coursing through my veins to my hands that tempted me to slap him because of his minor flaws (like being late, being lazy). Deep down i know that he is a great guy, but sometimes anger caught hold of me and i became very impulsive. Of course, i never beat him duh, i was just exaggerating but you get my point. Everytime when the anger subsides, i will feel a surge of guilt flowing within me and when i think back, i had definitely made a big fuss out of something so insignificant. Sometimes, i really feel that i think too highly of myself that whatever he does is useless that made me feel that way. Maybe its just the strong willpower to push anyone away who wants to disrupt my path to succeed ( which is scoring well for Os right now) and i am that kind of person who would really cut off all contacts with my friend if he/she doesnt place any value in their studies/lazy/incompetent. To you if you are reading this: Im sorry. I will definitely change for the better after Os and i can think more clearly when all these stress subside. Right now, i need to finish my last subject and i need to focus. And, thankyou for everything (: