Victoria

It was pouring.

Everyone was sandwiched between each other in the bus stop opposite of school.

Jocelyn: 'How did you manage to see me, so many people!'
Me: 'Because I could only see the person I love in the crowd of people. '

That was what I told her one fateful day after school in the first semester of 2014.

If only I could put it in words of how much this girl means to me, it would be inadequate because my love for her is indescribable. I'm sure everyone who is close to me would know that she is always the first one I want to see whenever im back in school, the first one i want to see the day at prom, the first one I want to see whenever im back for council events.

It started when fate has decided to brought us together to know each other by putting her in OG27. She was that girl in a group who speaks little, but aware of everything that is happening around her. To be honest, I didn't really notice her so much during orientation period because she wasn't the one who was more outgoing, and the fact that she loves to hang out in her own little group of friends in the OG. She only got my notice when I was telling my OG on the very last day when we were at Ikea that I wanted to make Victoria as my official name in my IC but didn't know how. She replied, ' There is something called Google! '  as if it was a dumb question. It got me laughing so hard because she said it with such a straight face and there was just something about her that made me feel like we're going to cross each other's lives more there and then.

We started private messaging each other, and she told me that she wanted to join ODAC. She went for the interview and she got selected. At the same time, she came for the recruitment talk for 29th Student Council because her friend wanted to join and she accompanied her. Before I knew what happened, she told me that she wanted to join council and the reason being she didn't want to join high elements activities in ODAC. Till today I really want to ask her if she really made the switch from ODAC to council because of not wanting to do certain activities, or was it because of me? Because i'm very sure that I didn't promote council to her at all and told her to join what she loves.

Because of council, I got to spend even more time with her and got more things to talk about with her. Just like that, we talked on a daily basis non stop.

I remember us hanging out together in terminal 1 arrival hall starbucks every single weekend and taking up the half of the high tables to study and laugh non stop about stupid things that each other do like playing slenderman and screaming in starbucks. It became a routine to just meet each other every weekend. From stealing her thick grey jacket everyday to getting whacked by her ponytail everytime she turn her head, we just grew to love each other's company.

She was always there for me.

She would always meet me in short notice when she knows I'm alone at starbucks. She would always be there to hear my endless rants about school, she doesn't say much, but listened. She was there for me when im having my constant breakdown over my studies(& trust me, it happens so often). She was always there for me when I wanted to eat banmian after school. She was always the one who kept giving me motivational quotes through watsapp every single day when i started to count down for my A levels. Every single day.

I remembered how touched I was when she appeared right outside my house on my birthday at 7.00AM in the morning with the exact huge hello kitty balloon that I told her I wanted a girl carried to the airport while we were studying. She gave me her set of her hello kitty because she knows how much I love them, twelve cupcakes because I bought them for her once back in February when she was feeling down. I was touched beyond words.

She will always hand make cards to me, be it for my birthday, a random thankyou note, a motivational one to gear me for a levels, and farewell from school. However, I never wrote any back. Not because she don't matter to me enough to do something like that for her. It was solely because I couldn't finish writing how much she really meant to me and how appreciative and thankful I am that she is in my life. Im just at a loss for words. I tried doing one but I got emotional because I know no card would be up to my satisfaction as to what I really want to say to her.

She always makes the effort to make me feel less bad about myself. She always told me how I wasn't ugly or fat because I kept beating myself down for it. I admit that I took her words for granted because I always thought she said it because she just wanted to make me feel better, till one day she got angry at me for the very first time. She sent me this long message after I told her how I was crying over getting rejected by a job cause I wasn't skinny enough. ' Nothing I do or say would be able to change your mind. ' It made me realize that she didn't say it for fun of it. When she said im not fat for the 1000 times, she meant it out of that 1000 times. That's when I know that, what others opinion about how I look didn't matter, it was hers that matter to me and from that day onwards I swear I tried to accept how I am. She was the one who made me believe in myself.

Its been a long year and it brings back so much memories because it's like watching her grow up from being my OGM to being an OGL herself since orientation is tomorrow. I may not have mentioned everything she has done for me, because like i've said, anything that I write in this space would never ever have the magnitude big enough to say how grateful I am to have her in my life. I'm a very sentimental person. That's why I still kept in contact with my OGL Amila who made the most impact on me in making the best orientation for me that make me want to form a relationship with one of my OGMs too. I admit that I did give up because I realize no one would be as sentimental as me, but i didn't even have to try... Jocelyn came into my life just like that.

I went for dinner just now and I got down the same bus stop outside TPJC, I saw her again.

It was a crowd of people, but all I ever saw was her.

I have been feeling very distant from her lately, mainly because J2 has begun for her and with orientation. When I went back for amazing race, she was too busy guarding her game station, when i went back for OGL camp at night she was too busy doing nightwalk. When I went back for open house, she was too busy to eat my cupcakes I brought. She has been going back home at late hours lately. We could go for few days without talking because she was too tired to reply. I understand because I have been through the orientation preparation period as well.

I just can't help but to feel like we are drifting apart.

I know that she has responsibilities now, she is experiencing the horrendous J2 year like how I did a year ago. Sometimes I wish I could have things back to the way they were. When I know she is going to be on the other line when I call. Know that she will bolt down in a flash of light if I needed her. Our starbucks date, our random pact to eat with banmian with each other after school, our just chancing upon her when I walk around in school.

I guess these are the times where you really appreciate what you had and serves as a reminder to always to cherish your present because it will be gone and becomes a memory one day when you look back at things.

These are the days where I don't mind being in school and experiencing the whole J2 again because I have her by my side. I really wish she didn't become an OGL because I didn't want her to see her suffer going back at ungodly hours everyday. I sound like a mother sending off her child to school for the very first time, but I guess this is just how sentimental I am, be it good or bad.

Jocelyn, if you see this. Press on, I know you will be the best OGL... even better than me. Tough times would be over soon. 'Tough times don't last, tough men do. ' Thankyou for everything you have done for me the past one year, I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. I'm not good at expressing myself with words in person, but here I am telling you that you hold a special place in my heart. 

Thankyou for being the most perfect junior I could ever, ever have. I love you so much.

I know it's not a typical blogpost I would write lately, but this is just something I want to get out off my chest. This post is very personal and I want to share it with anyone who reads this to know what a wonderful girl she is and how much she has changed my life. 

and just taking endless selfies everywhere.

Hey!  If you have been following this space, you would know that I've went on an instawalk to Pulau Ubin, if not you can check it on at my link here. This time around, I've went on yet another interesting and wonderful instawalk organized by The Smart Local in collaboration with Nparks and MNDsingapore.

I woke up at 6AM in the morning and made my way to Kranji MRT, can you imagine how tired I was especially when I havent been awake at that kind of hour for a long time after schooling.

As I made my way to the meeting point at Kranji MRT, I saw Fauzi and was greeted by him once again as he handed me my goodie bag and told me I was in team Christabel(YAY!). I felt so alone because I was there alone again. The first one was because there was still As chem and bio mcqs left, and the second one being so far away and no one love me enough to wake early to travel to the west with me. Such friends HAHAHA!

I felt so much better when I saw Keith and we caught up a little. We boarded the bus and found an empty seat beside this gorgeous girl. Eventually I got to know that her name is Ashleey. She has the coolest job that i've ever known and we are both in team Christabel. I was like yay I've met a new friend to buddy with so I dont feel so alone.

Once we alighted the bus, we are greeted by our tour guides from Nparks and we all received a cool looking hat from them which got me so excited because it made me felt like i'm going on a real adventure.

off we go!

 We got to our first stop which was the Junior Adventure Trail whereby it's designed for little kids to play around and pretend like they are mudskippers jumping around the mud and there is a pulley boat for you to pull yourself to and fro. I admit it's damn fun jumping around on the decks. Even though its designed for kids i'm still afraid that I would miss a step and fall into the muddy patch of grass. It's definitely a fun spot for little kids if you are one of those who just can't sit still and have to move around a lot.

picture from mnd singapore

We went to the Mid canopy walk next. It's a bridge whereby its being levelled about 3m above the floor, much like a mini tree top walk in macritchie except that it's at a lower ground. I guess we are supposed to see different reptiles and animals that lies among the forest but I didn't get to see any. I guess I wanted to walk finish the 150m long bridge because there were kids there who couldn't stop jumping on it and made me so dizzy. Argh, so irritated.

As we were walking towards the Eagle Point Broadwalk, I managed to get to talk to two others in team bellywellyjelly. I got so excited because we came from TPJC and all of us were taught by Ms Delphine Tan. It just felt like a TPJC alumni reunion though we don't know each other before that. Funny how we managed to form a bond just like that. There was also this couple of an older generation than the rest. The lady, Eileen had the same sports shoe as me and i was so amused because I've never seen anyone with my shoe. She was so kind talking to me and always telling me where was the grasshopper/catepillar/whatever-kind-of-flower-tour-guide-just-said because i'm always so blur.

Zhiying and Yingiet! 

We came to the Eagle Point Broadwalk and the scenery was so breathtaking. I never knew the skies of Singapore could be so clear and blue and the clouds that are as white as snow. It's just like a totally different view from what you see from the hustle and bustle of the city streets. Here, we can see Malaysia from here. I could see the skyscrapers blending into the clear blue skies which could totally painted into a portrait.

Team bellywellyjelly at eagle point broadwalk

The eagle point broadwalk is connected to the coastal trail which takes us deeper into the forest so that we get to see mangrove trees and their roots. I really wonder why our geography teachers never ever took us to all these excursions to look at all these beautiful fine detailed roots of the mangroves, because it would totally show us how mangrove trees are like instead of just taking it from the textbook. If you are geography teacher and you are reading this, please do take your kids to this place because this place is full of mangroves and different kinds of it, from the classic many thin roots that protrude out from the mud to mangroves that spreads itself out like an umbrella. It's just something you got to see it for yourself.

way to the pods

We came to the 3 famous pods that people usually come to Sungei Buloh for; Kingfisher Pod, Mudskipper Pod and Dragonfly Pod. Here you can see more mangroves, but these mangroves generally grow in the sea. There are also many birds that flew past here for reasons I do not know, but probably I guess most birds migrate past by here?

We arrived at the visitors centre and we FINALLY had a chance to rest. Ashleey and I started to talk more and I really admire how cool her job is as a journalist for SPH and she even wrote a guide-book of Malaysia, how amazing is that? I really love how she never treated me like some small girl but rather someone that she can talk to about anything from her job and the social media industry. She really taught me things that I never knew about her industry like how she started out interning and then got a job at SPH. Hopefully I can be as successful as her in time to come as well.

Mangrove Broadwalk was next on our list and me and Ashleey took photos there. 

On our way back from mangrove broadwalk, I let out a big gasp because I saw a freaking monitor lizard. Like oh my shit, it's so long and huge and it totally blended into dirty brown ground.

Our last stop was the migratory bird trail which we spotted a crocodile basking under the sun to get some heat into its body because its cold blooded. Thankyou mr handsome crocodile for letting us take pictures of you, you are too kind. At the far end there were tons of white birds gathering on the land while near the edge of the bridge we were standing at there were ton of silver colored fish that reflects the rays of the sun light, kind of makes me wanna catch them all and make them into a reflector to take good photos with good lighting hehe.

We ended the instawalk with prize presentation and i got a little time with Christabel.

I love how Christabel is so down to earth and humble given the fact that she is an influencer. I always thought that influencers are who they are because they are just beautiful looking and takes pretty pictures. However, Christabel takes the time to talk to each and everyone of us during the walk and tried to make small talks in attempt to know our lives better. It really reflects how loved she is because she is kind and loving to everyone around her that makes people so comfortable enough to tease her saying she is crazy because she has this very positive vibe around her that makes her easily excited and do 'retarded' stuff. I was too shy to really talk to her, and it's especially awkward when her boyfriend is someone that I kind of know back in secondary school from the stories I hear from my friends in PSL, but even with the limited conversations with her, it made me feel like she is a really kind hearted and lovely person and more than just a pretty face. That's the kind of person that I really want to be, to be down to earth and kind to everyone even when you are known.

Christabel!

 We had an award ceremony of the best photos taken as well as the best group shot and... Team Sandra won!

I really enjoyed myself there because I got to meet new and amazing friends there and i got to go to sungei buloh. I wouldn't have been there myself because it's so far. I would have preferred the first instawalk though cause we got more free time to mingle around with everyone and that we are not restricted to only talk to people in our teams only. I would love it if everyone had travelled along together as a big group because there would have been more communication among everyone else and getting to talk to other influencers of different teams as well. Of course I love how we got more time between the team we are in yay team bonding!

With the influencers that joined us yay! 

I've really enjoyed myself over these two instawalks, and thankyou The Smart Local for giving me the opportunity to join these two walks with them. I really hope I'm able to attend future instawalks as well and meeting new amazing people that I still keep in contact with now. If there is a next instawalk, you would probably see me there ;)