If im really so smart and studiously read my lecture notes and able to absorb everything why do i even need you to begin with? You told me to ask you questions but all you ever did was, " go read your lecture notes. " or " this is basic stuff. " i feel very bad but you really make me feel damn stupid and as if everything i ever ask you is just dumb to you. You just put me off in even bother asking you something because you are just going to tell me to do whatever that any student would do first before asking. And if we can really absorb everything and know everything in our lecture books we are all gonna be As student no? But im not there yet thats why i need you. Your support and no matter how stupid it is you shouldnt be annoyed. You of all people should know how painful, demoralizing it is to get scolded. You should know why you even ask questions and got scolded by your teacher when you are a student. I am just the same. And the way i think is just different and not like you. I already know you are gonna scold me but i asked anyway because im desperate and bcos i couldnt find any answer to my question. It really hurts. It wouldnt harm trying to be a little less harsh. I know you care, but i really just dont like it when you do this to me... because of all people you should know i never loved those subjects and im trying my best... even if it means asking dumb question at this crucial period of time. Im dumb. Thats why i need you. Dont you get it?
I am so angry right now because of something someone said to me and i just find it absolutely insulting and stereotypical of people. Why do we all live in such a superficial world where grades reflect your self worth to the world and where people cry and get depressed over a piece of fucking paper only serving a purpose to get into university in the end.
i am NOT saying that A levels is NOT important. IT FUCKING IS.
Im talking about if it doesnt works out, its not the end of the world, even though to a 18/19 year old it is. But the world is so much more than that. If you are one of that kind of person who thinks that people who cant go to university are just failures in life, fuck the hell off away from me. I absolutely abhor such people. Does having a degree assure that you will get a high paying job next time? Generally of course. But this doesnt give people the right to say that without a degree you arent going to be successful in life, or yet worst being categorized as someone who is a failure in life. For all you know, they are going to be your boss next time and being more successful in life than you will ever be with that god damn degree. Drop that superficial attitude and mindset because life is more than just pieces of paper which quite determines the rest of your life. We take A levels for the sake of going into university, but when it doesnt work out there is always other options. I think i have a fair argument here given the fact that i have not sat for my A levels and got my certificate, A levels definitely makes me feel like my intelligence is nowhere near others, inadequate, low self esteem because i couldnt reach my goal even till prelims. But these are the harsh conditions that we are put into to push ourselves to push our limits, to make ourselves to be the best of what we can be. The society made us feel this way just to condition us to strive for the better. But even through the process of working hard and pushing your limits and one still cannot make it, it fucking doesnt mean one is stupid, it just means that studying is just isnt their forte, or maybe a late bloomer.
People are put in very harsh conditions of pressure, expectations to only show ourselves how strong we really are to push through all these obstacles, may be through tears, through having countless anxiety attacks, through depression even. That being said, It already shows how strong someone is just by completing their A levels even though they know they couldnt make it, because there are so many, just way too many people who fail to enter the exam hall because they are overwhelm by the fear of failure.
Dont ever let a piece of paper determine your self worth, this is what Jana said to me and its true. Society would always keep pushing you to test your limits, to go beyond boundaries. Countless people have succeeded without a degree, so dont ever say that they are failures. Because people who have mindsets like you are the losers because they fail to see the meaning of life, the meaning of true strength when you get knocked down by a big failure in life in As only to get back up on your feet again. Dont look down on people because you arent so great yourself. Life will continue to throw shit at you, and people like you who have this mindset will just break and crumble if you are faced with this kind of set back.
i am NOT saying that A levels is NOT important. IT FUCKING IS.
Im talking about if it doesnt works out, its not the end of the world, even though to a 18/19 year old it is. But the world is so much more than that. If you are one of that kind of person who thinks that people who cant go to university are just failures in life, fuck the hell off away from me. I absolutely abhor such people. Does having a degree assure that you will get a high paying job next time? Generally of course. But this doesnt give people the right to say that without a degree you arent going to be successful in life, or yet worst being categorized as someone who is a failure in life. For all you know, they are going to be your boss next time and being more successful in life than you will ever be with that god damn degree. Drop that superficial attitude and mindset because life is more than just pieces of paper which quite determines the rest of your life. We take A levels for the sake of going into university, but when it doesnt work out there is always other options. I think i have a fair argument here given the fact that i have not sat for my A levels and got my certificate, A levels definitely makes me feel like my intelligence is nowhere near others, inadequate, low self esteem because i couldnt reach my goal even till prelims. But these are the harsh conditions that we are put into to push ourselves to push our limits, to make ourselves to be the best of what we can be. The society made us feel this way just to condition us to strive for the better. But even through the process of working hard and pushing your limits and one still cannot make it, it fucking doesnt mean one is stupid, it just means that studying is just isnt their forte, or maybe a late bloomer.
People are put in very harsh conditions of pressure, expectations to only show ourselves how strong we really are to push through all these obstacles, may be through tears, through having countless anxiety attacks, through depression even. That being said, It already shows how strong someone is just by completing their A levels even though they know they couldnt make it, because there are so many, just way too many people who fail to enter the exam hall because they are overwhelm by the fear of failure.
Dont ever let a piece of paper determine your self worth, this is what Jana said to me and its true. Society would always keep pushing you to test your limits, to go beyond boundaries. Countless people have succeeded without a degree, so dont ever say that they are failures. Because people who have mindsets like you are the losers because they fail to see the meaning of life, the meaning of true strength when you get knocked down by a big failure in life in As only to get back up on your feet again. Dont look down on people because you arent so great yourself. Life will continue to throw shit at you, and people like you who have this mindset will just break and crumble if you are faced with this kind of set back.
The truth is, I never stopped thinking about you. There isn't a day that has gone by that you arent on my mind. It's been so long. I should have moved on. But i cant.
If only i could turn back time, i would do everything so differently. I lost a guy i loved so much due to my pride and stubbornness. If only i still could talk to you, i would tell you how sorry i am for being so protective, too protective even though i did so out of love.
I doubt you will see this anyway. You have long moved on. I know tuay very well. But somehow deep down inside, i still cling onto that glimpse of hope. Hoping you would give me a second chance. Because i've never loved someone so much before in my life to put my pride aside, having so many recurring dreams everyday about him every night now and then, feeling so empty when i wake only to realize the sad truth that we arent on speaking terms anymore. I never stopped loving you. Never did, and i dont think i ever will.
If only i had a second chance. Things will be so different now. You will still be with me, i wont be missing you so badly. I wont be hating on myself everyday wondering what i did wrong that cost me to lose the love of my life forever.
I miss you. When will i ever have a chance to see you again?
If only i could turn back time, i would do everything so differently. I lost a guy i loved so much due to my pride and stubbornness. If only i still could talk to you, i would tell you how sorry i am for being so protective, too protective even though i did so out of love.
I doubt you will see this anyway. You have long moved on. I know tuay very well. But somehow deep down inside, i still cling onto that glimpse of hope. Hoping you would give me a second chance. Because i've never loved someone so much before in my life to put my pride aside, having so many recurring dreams everyday about him every night now and then, feeling so empty when i wake only to realize the sad truth that we arent on speaking terms anymore. I never stopped loving you. Never did, and i dont think i ever will.
If only i had a second chance. Things will be so different now. You will still be with me, i wont be missing you so badly. I wont be hating on myself everyday wondering what i did wrong that cost me to lose the love of my life forever.
I miss you. When will i ever have a chance to see you again?
Its been 29 hours since ive last spoken to you. There is nothing in the world i want right now than to be in your arms right now. I couldnt stop thinking of you throughout the day. What were you doing? What would you do if you were there with me? What were you thinking? As much as you can say your friends think that im always the one ignoring you, i have never stopped thinking about you and you have never stopped running through my mind. I only ignored you to protect my own heart.
I've been caring too much about you, so much so that i have been putting myself through so much pain. All i ever thought about is to get your grades up when i know you didnt do well even though im no better myself.
Its love that drives me insane, insanely into you that i cant take my mind off you no matter how i tried to deny it. You have no idea how much i love you.
I always wonder if our conflicting views of things will ever get into the way of our relationship. It definitely did. We both want different things and seek for different kind of happiness in a relationship. Are we ever going to work this out? Honestly, im scared to answer it myself.
I stopped talking to you but it was never my best interest at heart. I always say that i did so because you are hurting me. But how can it be true when the excruciating pain i get when i dont even get to speak to you is so much worst?
Im putting aside my pride, because you should know im always putting up a strong front and appearing tough and oblivious to my surroundings. I hate feeling inferior, I hate it when i have to admit that i love you more than you love me. Because yes, i do. A hell lot that makes me want only the best for you.
Maybe these are just tough times. But i/ve always thought that im dragging you down.
" Im always unproductive when im with you. "
It just proves all my insecurities right and i really was a drag to you.
If not talking to you eases all your pain and worries i would do it for you unconditionally.
If there is one thing that i cannot take away from you, is your happiness.
You seem so happy now, and there is nothing i should do to destroy it.
Because no matter you are with me or not, you will get over it. Because im just a drag.
Im sorry for pulling you down for the past one year. Im sorry for being the reason why you ever got angry in the first place because you hardly do. Maybe, just maybe... i was never good enough for you.
I miss you.
I really fucking do.
I've been caring too much about you, so much so that i have been putting myself through so much pain. All i ever thought about is to get your grades up when i know you didnt do well even though im no better myself.
Its love that drives me insane, insanely into you that i cant take my mind off you no matter how i tried to deny it. You have no idea how much i love you.
I always wonder if our conflicting views of things will ever get into the way of our relationship. It definitely did. We both want different things and seek for different kind of happiness in a relationship. Are we ever going to work this out? Honestly, im scared to answer it myself.
I stopped talking to you but it was never my best interest at heart. I always say that i did so because you are hurting me. But how can it be true when the excruciating pain i get when i dont even get to speak to you is so much worst?
Im putting aside my pride, because you should know im always putting up a strong front and appearing tough and oblivious to my surroundings. I hate feeling inferior, I hate it when i have to admit that i love you more than you love me. Because yes, i do. A hell lot that makes me want only the best for you.
Maybe these are just tough times. But i/ve always thought that im dragging you down.
" Im always unproductive when im with you. "
It just proves all my insecurities right and i really was a drag to you.
If not talking to you eases all your pain and worries i would do it for you unconditionally.
If there is one thing that i cannot take away from you, is your happiness.
You seem so happy now, and there is nothing i should do to destroy it.
Because no matter you are with me or not, you will get over it. Because im just a drag.
Im sorry for pulling you down for the past one year. Im sorry for being the reason why you ever got angry in the first place because you hardly do. Maybe, just maybe... i was never good enough for you.
I miss you.
I really fucking do.
