Victoria

I have to admit, I've always taken my mum for granted. She's the person whom i love the most in this entire world. I couldn't find any other mum in this world who is as understanding as her.
She never expected much from me, she would always be there to support me no matter how bad my results are, how much i refused to open up to her, and how much i dont cherish her.
I talk to my mum like how i would to a normal friend, but ironically i can't open up to her to how i really feel deep down inside. I'm always someone who's not good in expressing myself and whenever she tried to make an effort to get to know me better, i'd push her away because i felt that she is invading my comfort zone. I know, consciously, deep down inside im wrong by doing so, but i just cant help but to distant myself away from her.
Im really glad that she trusts me to make my own life decisions and differentiate from whats right and whats wrong. Although there were some point of times where this trust between us lies on a thin thread, but we managed to pull through it all.
I just feel so blessed having this super mummy:)
Mum, in case if you ever read this, i love you, always have, always will.

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After hearing what one of my loved one's had gotten from his parents, i just got reminded by how fortunate i am to have such loving parents who loves me no matter what i am.

It sucks not to have any rights or say against others parents because they painstakingly raised their children up.
We are in no position to judge or point fingers at how a parent should raise their children. However, some things which are just downright unjustified and wrong.
Im not saying that hitting a child is wrong, but hitting a child would only cause not only physical, but emotional pain as well. Hitting a child doesnt make him smarter, or make him realise he's wrong, or simply just to make him see from your point of view. Some parents ought to do some reality check on themselves before blaming everything on the child. Don't be too surprised if they send you home to old folks home when you're old. It's your monsterous behaviour that led you to your downfall.

Woohooo! Its the beginning of the holidays but i still have to go back to school most of the days. Damn.

I seriously cant wait for SLC to get done and over with. SLC used to be super duper fun, but now its just like bleh. Dont really look forward to it anymore. Oh well.

Its 3.00am in the morning and im still up. Oh god this is bad. I think my body clock's screwed.

I feel so blessed having such a sweet boy by my side. Really blessed.

I can't believe how insensitive i was saying all those words without feeling the impact of it until it's spoken. God why am i such an airhead.

The thought of not having someone important in your life right now in your future really scares me. It's really frightening how someone who once meant the world to you treats you like a complete stranger years later. There would always be a day where everything goes wrong and everything will start to crumble down. I really dont know how i would be able to handle the blow of losing him. I may look as if that i dont care about him, whether he's alive or not because we're so distant in school, or because i dont allow myself to be seen as a weakling who depends too much on a guy and would literally die without him. The truth is, i care. I care so much that i sometimes worry about him till i can't concentrate, i care too much knowing that he's not alright but he chose to keep it away from me because he'd rather keep the hurt to himself than to hurt me. Tell me, where in the world can i find such a sweet guy like him?

Its been a rather toned down week lately since all the tests are over.

Its funny how we dont cherish what we have before something significant to us is lost. We would tend to focus on the things that we dont have than what we are so fortunate to have. I feel so blessed having so many awesome friends that i know i can rely on like amos , azizah and bennett. Wouldn't know how my world would be if they walk out of my life.

Its weird how when you kept telling yourself that something doesnt affect you anymore but whenever you see him you would feel like crap as before and memories would start to flow back to our minds.


One thing that i've learnt from last year is that its alright to cry when you miss someone, but after crying you gotta move on and get on with life cause life aint gonna wait for you to get better and all these are just not worth it because things have changed. Changes are inveitable as it is a part and parcel of our lives. We should learn when we have to bade goodbye to our loved ones when it is the time to let go. If you love someone so much, it means wanting the best for your loved ones, even if it means going through the rest of his/her life without you being in it. This is what i call true love.

I came to realize that i should take everything by the flow and i shouldnt be rushing things through. I tend to overthink too much that would lead to much unhappiness because of the possibilities of what may go wrong leads to being afraid of the uncertainty of the future. I should take things as it is and not to overthink so much. Oh well, i guess thats me. :)

Its 2.00am in the morning and i need to be up by 5.45am to go to school tomorrow god! TGIF! Finally gonna have some well deserving rest over the weekends.