When I was a kid, I've always aspired to be many things.
I wanted to be a singer.
I thought I had the most beautiful voice in the world and that I can sing better than Mariah Carey. I sang everywhere I go, even before I head to bed. Turns out I'm not an amazing singer as I thought I was, therefore I pursuit other interests.
I tried to be a professional badminton player, trying to beat my grandmother who bagged home many medals that weigh heavier than what her neck could carry as a badminton player. When she sneakily let an accidental slip and let me win, In my euphoria, I felt like I could actually be a national player for the team.
I've also wanted to be...
A pokemon master. How? By wearing similar cap and gloves, playing with pokemon figurines.
It was to the point that I was pushing the cap to the back and pretended to throw a pokeball whenever Ash Ketchum did. I was pretty commited in being one.
It was to the point that I was pushing the cap to the back and pretended to throw a pokeball whenever Ash Ketchum did. I was pretty commited in being one.
Small girl, big dreams huh?
Well, who isnt when they are young, when everything is possible and we could be anything we want to be.
As I grew a little older and entered primary school, I wanted to be a teacher, but more specific a chinese teacher.
Reason being my chinese teacher back then had put in lot of effort to make me feel inspired.
Little things like going the extra mile to make it a point to remember our birthdays by giving us pens as presents, creating a blog for us to read motivational messages being posted online by him.
He has never hesitated to make an effort to solve our problems aside from contents from the textbook as well.
Secondary school came and that's where you realized you started becoming more practical, but still not far fetched from being a dream.
I wanted to become a model.
It's this stage of teen life whereby you find yourself to be more aware of what people think of you. We would go all lengths just to make us look better, even if it's just silly gimmicks.
Illegally dyeing your hair with light brown highlights and hoping the teacher doesn't catch you, have multiple piercings on the ears cause you think that makes you a bad-ass.
Shorter skirts, letting down your fringe when it touches your eyebrow, ankle socks... Come on, we have all been there.
You would want the acknowledgement that you are pretty enough to be one. It's the stage whereby everybody wants to be noticed, craving for attention.
You would want compliments from others to cover your insecurities you have been fighting against everyday. You would go any lengths just to get noticed.
By becoming a model, it meant that you are being agreed upon by the majority that you are of certain standard to be one, thus using it as a reason not to pick on yourself for not looking beautiful enough.
Or so I thought.
In JC, I've became more realistic because of the pressure being in a first world society.
I wanted to become an accountant.
Heck, I wanted to become anything that earns me big bucks. I want to buy a big house, drive a Meserati down the highway.
Money would never be the problem and my family would live in a fancy life and my parents can retire with ease in their heart.
As I've approached the end of my JC days and University days, I've realized I'm 19.
19.
The past 19 years of my life, what have I actually accomplished? Looking back, the whole time I was studying my ass off, taking the same ordinary education route every Singaporean kid would.
It actually felt like, I've wasted my whole 19 years of my life away in pursuit of certificates one after another...
There are people who have actually started living their life; living their dream.
Professional atheletes, performers...
People actually living their dream, some being SIA air stewardess, started their own business, blogshop models, professional juggler basking the streets.
Martin Garrix is the same age as me and he's a renown DJ all over the world.
And here I am.
Typing my blog at 3.32AM in the morning in my Hall because I've got a quiz tomorrow on a saturday morning.
In the midst of growing up, our dreams are bound to change, due to different kinds of reasons.
Be it the people that influenced us, our environment or mindset at every stage of our lives.
So what's my dream now?
To write.
Journalist, short stories, whatever that allows me to express my thoughts in black and white.
It's funny how when I have a dream now, and it just seems like I'm never going to achieve it because my path of study doesn't allow me to do so.
It's also scary because insecurities are overwhelming me.
I'm no J.K. Rowling that sells million of copies of a series, neither do I have an award winning blog.
What if people don't like what they read? What if I can never achieve this dream of mine?
To be honest, all these insecurities are the ones that affirm me this is a dream worth pursuing.
Though I do not know how I am going to go about achieving it just yet, I believe that I've found what ignite the passion and drive inside me to do anything and everything just to achieve and turn this dream into a reality.
//Just a late night thought after chatting up with a friend, wanted to pen it down before this feeling fades away when morning comes. //
