It was pouring.

Everyone was sandwiched between each other in the bus stop opposite of school.

Jocelyn: 'How did you manage to see me, so many people!'
Me: 'Because I could only see the person I love in the crowd of people. '

That was what I told her one fateful day after school in the first semester of 2014.

If only I could put it in words of how much this girl means to me, it would be inadequate because my love for her is indescribable. I'm sure everyone who is close to me would know that she is always the first one I want to see whenever im back in school, the first one i want to see the day at prom, the first one I want to see whenever im back for council events.

It started when fate has decided to brought us together to know each other by putting her in OG27. She was that girl in a group who speaks little, but aware of everything that is happening around her. To be honest, I didn't really notice her so much during orientation period because she wasn't the one who was more outgoing, and the fact that she loves to hang out in her own little group of friends in the OG. She only got my notice when I was telling my OG on the very last day when we were at Ikea that I wanted to make Victoria as my official name in my IC but didn't know how. She replied, ' There is something called Google! '  as if it was a dumb question. It got me laughing so hard because she said it with such a straight face and there was just something about her that made me feel like we're going to cross each other's lives more there and then.

We started private messaging each other, and she told me that she wanted to join ODAC. She went for the interview and she got selected. At the same time, she came for the recruitment talk for 29th Student Council because her friend wanted to join and she accompanied her. Before I knew what happened, she told me that she wanted to join council and the reason being she didn't want to join high elements activities in ODAC. Till today I really want to ask her if she really made the switch from ODAC to council because of not wanting to do certain activities, or was it because of me? Because i'm very sure that I didn't promote council to her at all and told her to join what she loves.

Because of council, I got to spend even more time with her and got more things to talk about with her. Just like that, we talked on a daily basis non stop.

I remember us hanging out together in terminal 1 arrival hall starbucks every single weekend and taking up the half of the high tables to study and laugh non stop about stupid things that each other do like playing slenderman and screaming in starbucks. It became a routine to just meet each other every weekend. From stealing her thick grey jacket everyday to getting whacked by her ponytail everytime she turn her head, we just grew to love each other's company.

She was always there for me.

She would always meet me in short notice when she knows I'm alone at starbucks. She would always be there to hear my endless rants about school, she doesn't say much, but listened. She was there for me when im having my constant breakdown over my studies(& trust me, it happens so often). She was always there for me when I wanted to eat banmian after school. She was always the one who kept giving me motivational quotes through watsapp every single day when i started to count down for my A levels. Every single day.

I remembered how touched I was when she appeared right outside my house on my birthday at 7.00AM in the morning with the exact huge hello kitty balloon that I told her I wanted a girl carried to the airport while we were studying. She gave me her set of her hello kitty because she knows how much I love them, twelve cupcakes because I bought them for her once back in February when she was feeling down. I was touched beyond words.

She will always hand make cards to me, be it for my birthday, a random thankyou note, a motivational one to gear me for a levels, and farewell from school. However, I never wrote any back. Not because she don't matter to me enough to do something like that for her. It was solely because I couldn't finish writing how much she really meant to me and how appreciative and thankful I am that she is in my life. Im just at a loss for words. I tried doing one but I got emotional because I know no card would be up to my satisfaction as to what I really want to say to her.

She always makes the effort to make me feel less bad about myself. She always told me how I wasn't ugly or fat because I kept beating myself down for it. I admit that I took her words for granted because I always thought she said it because she just wanted to make me feel better, till one day she got angry at me for the very first time. She sent me this long message after I told her how I was crying over getting rejected by a job cause I wasn't skinny enough. ' Nothing I do or say would be able to change your mind. ' It made me realize that she didn't say it for fun of it. When she said im not fat for the 1000 times, she meant it out of that 1000 times. That's when I know that, what others opinion about how I look didn't matter, it was hers that matter to me and from that day onwards I swear I tried to accept how I am. She was the one who made me believe in myself.

Its been a long year and it brings back so much memories because it's like watching her grow up from being my OGM to being an OGL herself since orientation is tomorrow. I may not have mentioned everything she has done for me, because like i've said, anything that I write in this space would never ever have the magnitude big enough to say how grateful I am to have her in my life. I'm a very sentimental person. That's why I still kept in contact with my OGL Amila who made the most impact on me in making the best orientation for me that make me want to form a relationship with one of my OGMs too. I admit that I did give up because I realize no one would be as sentimental as me, but i didn't even have to try... Jocelyn came into my life just like that.

I went for dinner just now and I got down the same bus stop outside TPJC, I saw her again.

It was a crowd of people, but all I ever saw was her.

I have been feeling very distant from her lately, mainly because J2 has begun for her and with orientation. When I went back for amazing race, she was too busy guarding her game station, when i went back for OGL camp at night she was too busy doing nightwalk. When I went back for open house, she was too busy to eat my cupcakes I brought. She has been going back home at late hours lately. We could go for few days without talking because she was too tired to reply. I understand because I have been through the orientation preparation period as well.

I just can't help but to feel like we are drifting apart.

I know that she has responsibilities now, she is experiencing the horrendous J2 year like how I did a year ago. Sometimes I wish I could have things back to the way they were. When I know she is going to be on the other line when I call. Know that she will bolt down in a flash of light if I needed her. Our starbucks date, our random pact to eat with banmian with each other after school, our just chancing upon her when I walk around in school.

I guess these are the times where you really appreciate what you had and serves as a reminder to always to cherish your present because it will be gone and becomes a memory one day when you look back at things.

These are the days where I don't mind being in school and experiencing the whole J2 again because I have her by my side. I really wish she didn't become an OGL because I didn't want her to see her suffer going back at ungodly hours everyday. I sound like a mother sending off her child to school for the very first time, but I guess this is just how sentimental I am, be it good or bad.

Jocelyn, if you see this. Press on, I know you will be the best OGL... even better than me. Tough times would be over soon. 'Tough times don't last, tough men do. ' Thankyou for everything you have done for me the past one year, I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. I'm not good at expressing myself with words in person, but here I am telling you that you hold a special place in my heart. 

Thankyou for being the most perfect junior I could ever, ever have. I love you so much.

I know it's not a typical blogpost I would write lately, but this is just something I want to get out off my chest. This post is very personal and I want to share it with anyone who reads this to know what a wonderful girl she is and how much she has changed my life. 

and just taking endless selfies everywhere.