Maybe im just not capable of doing well in anything. 

I really regret for slacking off for my best subject, being way too complacent when im not that good at it in the first place. If i end up with something less than an A i couldnt blame anybody but myself. As A level progress i start to feel that my future seem more and more bleak. Next week marks the unofficial end of my As (still have my h1 mcq to deal with). Everyday seems to pass by so slowly and everyday i feel so exhausted after every paper. I dont think next week is going to get any better because econs paper 2 is just a painful subject to sit for because you are fighting against time and you wont even have time to catch your breath. If you dont finish any part of the 3 essays you are pretty much screwed. Tomorrow's physics. I need all the luck that i can have right now. 

The funny thing is when you have important things to do your mind is just clouded with stupid thoughts of things that can always wait after A levels. You cant just block out these thoughts and some of them are really disheatening... thoughts like not making into a uni with my grades.. what am i going to do with my life? I definitely dont want to go through this whole painful process again, ever. Ive lost so much friendships, relationships because i couldnt handle the A levels as im very emotionally dependent on them. Im just really glad those who stayed by me through this whole process are really the ones worth keeping in my life. Daryl is definitely one of them. Teaching me math when i was a mental breakdown and i was so close to giving up. He spends time telling me his hopes and dreams and i told him mine on days where we just felt like crap about ourselves. He told me how to craft my essays 2 days before gp paper even though he had bio on the same day as well. He is always with me when im emotionally broken, even though i got to admit i dont even know how he is able to withstand such a whinny person like me. We never said that we were good friends, it isnt even a term that we use to label each other because deep down in our hearts we just know we are. Ive really regretted letting him go out of my life just like that because of a girl, but i promise i would never let that happen again because he is one good friend i really wnnt to keep in my life for a long, long time. I've only know how to appreciate somebody because i've lost someone very close to my heart because he showed his true colors to me, a selfish jerk he is deep down inside his heart. If he cant take care of me now, how is he going to take care of me in the future? If he cant even know how to weigh out his priorities and cut me off how is it fair that i need to stay with him for 2 years when he is in army when he couldnt even stay with me when i need him the most through this very tough period of time? Just, fuck no.