What an ironic title when the love of my life had walked away from me a month ago.

Love, its about accepting the other person, from his strengths to his weaknesses, his mistakes, his past.

About 8 months ago, a guy stumbled into my life, a guy who is flawless in my eyes, and still is up till today despite all his mistakes. After I've ended my previous relationship, I promised myself, no more fooling around siok, it's time to settle down. I got tired of dating when I know there won't be an ending to the relationship with a marriage in mind and I had to dump guys when im just done with them. In my mind, I had never been so certain that I will end up marrying him one day. This is the first time I've pictured a future with him in my life. I have never been so wrong.

They always say, the higher you go, the harder you fall. The first few months was a bliss that it was too good to be true. It was not long after the problems started coming in. I must admit that I am a very demanding girlfriend and be childishly unreasonable at times. He and I started quarrelling but we sorted it out eventually, it was not of a big deal. However, things got worse and worse. It got so bad that he forget to text me the whole day. I've compromised. I've told him the moment we started out on this relationship, ' if you ever pick up smoking, we are so over. ' Things took a turn for the worst that I could have ever imagined. He started smoking. It was too much and too overwhelming for me that I spent my nights crying helplessly in my bed. Everyone must be wondering why am I making such a big fuss out of it. He was going to be what I thought my husband in the future, and he is picking up things that will deteriorate his health and I know what are the consequences. He have always said, he'll stop but there's a little voice in my head knowing he wouldn't. Despite him doing the things I couldn't stand, I stood by him with many nights crying myself to sleep. I did not give up on him. I held on, I held even till the very end with him leaving me with the words, ' We're done, its over. ' He cut off all communication with me from that day. That night when we broke up, I was so desperate to contact him and ran out of my house past midnight to find him but I couldn't. Still, I held on. because I believe that there's a way to turn things around even though hopes were so frail. I truly believe that if you love someone enough, you will go any lengths just to make someone stay in your life. Anything.

Few days later, I waited for him to come back home at his house downstairs because I felt that we needed to talk. As expected, his family went up the house without him, I waited, on that cold night alone at his void deck. I ended up crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. It ached that bad. I never knew that he was like that, heartless. His heart is even colder than the night breeze blowing against me that night. I had sleepless nights and went to school like a zombie. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I even neglected my studies because I just cant even bring myself to do anything anymore.

Recently, I've found out from someone that he has moved on with another girl. It aches so bad even till today. The painful thing is I didn't even know what did I do to make him walk away from me and never looked back but moved on with someone else. I stood by him through everything, even when he started changing. Weeks before we broke up we had so much fights and he wanted to break up with me, I held on and begged him to stay. Literally.

Till today, I don't even know what went wrong in our relationship. I have never walked away when I've made a promise to him on our 5th month that I would love and cherish him no matter what. Maybe I just loved him too much that drove him today. But then I realized, he never really loved me. If he did, he would held onto me no matter how obsessed, crazy I was. It was so hard to accept the fact that he's gone just like that, but I realized there's no point in hoping anymore because he has moved on effortlessly.

Its so difficult to bring myself to write this post because I have never talk about him to anyone. I just couldn't do it. It hurts so bad that whenever someone mentions his name I started crying. Im sorry for pushing people away the past few weeks, especially my S21 girls who have been there for me, especially celebrating my birthday with me in school because you all knew I was going to be down and avoided talking about sensitive topics in front of me. You all have done so much for me, now its my turn to give back my love to all of you, Kavitha, Jolene, Jack Yi, Naomi.

I couldn't help but to think about what went wrong in our relationship every night before I sleep, and I would end up dreaming about him frequently and end up in tears when I wake up. Somehow, I just wish all this is just a nightmare that I can wake up from, but I have to accept the truth.

I can't bring myself to think about how heartless he has become, but I need to move on. You have no idea how much I loved that boy. so, so much. However, im not that one that walked away, and the only thing is to move on from him because there is no use crying over a stupid jerk who doesn't love me anymore. I still remembered what he told me one night, ' You always say that I don't care about you, wait till the day that I've stopped caring for you and not even pick up your calls. ' I guess that's all I have to know, that he doesn't love me anymore. I guess that's a good enough reason for me to move on.

I have got so much shit and so much gratitude to pay back to those people who actually loves me. Eugenia, for being there when I called and poured my tears out and took me out shopping to ease my mind. Bennett, for taking care for me from the very start and knowing the right words to say. Kavitha, for taking care of me in class, in school and took me out for yoghurt after school even though you live so far away. I can't imagine my JC life without kavitha. I would've just died. Solomon, for just spending time with me every now and then even though you needed to study. Fiona, for being there in the middle of the night to talk to because I just couldn't stop crying and even though you've got a lot of shit work to do. Jana, for noticing my tweets and sending me songs and motivational messages that really touched my heart. Just so many people that brought me out of this shithole that I failed to acknowledge.

And for those of you who read this for the sake of seeing how miserable I have become, two words, fuck off. If you get so much kick out of seeing people in misery you must be one fucked up kid. Secondary school's over, I don't need to face all those who have ever looked down on me and give you reasons as to how I live my life. If only I can Amanda Bynes bitch slap you right now, I would.

I can honestly say that the damage nearly took my soul away. I won't get into a relationship again and that's something you can believe. I had given my everything away, and I just can't bring myself to love someone again. I have never felt so, so broken and lost. No, i'm not really okay now, but I promise everyone that I will get better soon with time.

Just for those people who read this and going through the same thing as me because some heartless shit head dumped you, remember this "If you can't accept me when im at my worst, you don't deserve to be with me when I'm at my best. " Never settle anything less than unconditional love, you're worth so much more than that.

I don't hold grudges, everyone's God's children. And to anyone who asks me, yes, I forgive him for everything he has done and I wish nothing less than the best for him and his new girl.

Goodbye, my knight in shining armour.

With that, I shall carry on with my mundane routine like every jc kid does when exams are nearing. Yes, mugging.