Havent been updating my blog for awhile cause i have been busy studying and all. JC life is an irony.

Have been feeling really down and stressed up these days.

Im really glad that my boy has been by my side through this month of April. It has been a really tough month i must say, and without him, i dont even know how would i be able to pull through all these shit ive been going through.

Loving him more and more each and everyday. He is the only one who can fix my broken smile with a joke made up by himself or doing something really silly. He is the first guy that i've felt so strongly about despite being in different school. I would never ever take up this kind of "long distance relationship" because distance would pull us apart. It really takes a lot of compromises, understanding and effort to keep the relationship burning and alive. Its been four months ever since we've officially gotten together and it wasnt an easy journey.

Looking back, he was the one who has been holding to this relationship when it is on the verge of dying. He is the one who would go that extra mile just to make me feel good about myself and he would do anything to keep me by his side. Now it's my turn to question myself, ' what have i done for this relationship? ' Obviously, nothing came up to my mind because i've not been trying my best to keep this relationship. As guilty as im feeling now, ending this relationship because i feel insecure its not the way. Like someone who has said to me, ' Quitting is not the solution, its just the easy way out. ' I must admit that i am a coward; i run away from my problems, i pretend to be ignorant, i always give up when things get tough. Maybe that explains why all my past relationships didn't work out in the end; because i gave up instead of finding a solution, or rather the other half just got tired of giving in all the time while i wasn't willing to give anything to save the relationship.

Yes, i feel insecure because he is a flawless, girls-kill-to-be-with guy. So, instead of sitting here and whine endlessly about how insecure i feel and he deserves better, why not do something that makes me feel like im worthy of being with him?

Feeling fat, ugly and a potato?
Get up and run

Feeling like you've not given enough?
Do something sweet for him to make his day

Feel like you havent been treating him right?
Change your attitude

Its that simple; however our minds tend to ,look for the easy way out because; we can and there's nothing that could stop us from doing so. Why not stop and ponder about it for a moment, is this temporary insecurity worth the pain of losing someone who's so dear to your heart and regretting months or years later because you havent given in your best to keep them? No. Definitely not.

I know its difficult not to chance upon that kind of quitter thought, but if i dont give in my best not to think about it, my boy and i would forever be fighting, and the problem lies with me. If, one day he decides to get up and go because he's tired of me, at least... just at least i know that i've given my best in everything that could possibly be done and we would both part knowing that we are just not meant for each other rather than having a heart full of remorse over the things that could have been done.

Thats my thoughs for now.
xoxo