Its a blink of an eye and its coming to an end of October. The start of october was a very tough and excruciating one to go through. The first few days of october were the first few papers left for promos, which are the papers that im weaker and the determination of whether i would promote or retain: maths on monday, chem wednesday, physics on thursday. I know i probably have brought this on myself for not even studying for chemistry and only crammed everything 1 day before the exam. I was so afraid that i couldnt make the 35% mark cause i really, in all honesty didnt touch chemistry till the very day before promos. If i retain because of chem i downright deserve it. Maths paper was a painful one to sit for because its one of my biggest fear, and also one hell of a subject that took away 3/4 of my time i spent in JC just to settle it given having limitations of not having a maths foundation. If anyone reading this who is going to go to jc who doesnt have amath background... one word of advice: Don't. Just dont. You're just gonna dive right into a pool of sharks and die a horrible death like how i am now. In jc, working hard isnt enough. You have to work with time constraints, as well as energy given the long hours from 7.30-5 or 6 is you have STAR programme every single shit day. Im a pretty much of a hard worker and i can tell you if you choose to take up this route prepare to give up A LOT of things. I didnt go for JC1 camp and ended up mugging vectors at the airport everyday, and council camp to mug differentiation, even LTC camp to mug integration. Yes i bloody remember all the sacrifices i've made because looking back i really, really regretted it and i wish i could have taken a subject combination which suits me more and i wouldnt feel like killing myself everyday from stress. Anyway, so i sat for the paper and did what i could. It was awfully painfully because i left like many questions totally blank because i didnt know how to do them. Maybe im still not there yet, but i'll get there. Soon. I walked out of the exam hall thinking im gonna bloody fail this shit. Im already so exhausted from doing maths and i had to study chemistry which i neglected the whole year. I totally had no rest with these three papers back to back and honestly i think i nearly gave up. Chemistry paper was like shit because i went in to the exam hall not knowing how to do any energetics questions and 50% of it was on that. But then again, who to blame but me for neglecting it. I promise God that if i could manage to scrape through this chemistry exam i promise never ever to neglect it again. I think God heard my prayers and gave me a second chance. Will talk about it later. Already feeling shitty and tired from chemistry paper i still had one last h2 paper left: physics. It was the worst, and i really meant worst paper ive sat for. It was one of my stronger subjects and my deciding factor if i could promote because i knew my maths couldnt make it yet. I was already so fucking exhausted and aching all over and the amount of stress caught up with me and i finally broke down at midnight. I cried non stop and had to call kavitha to calm me down. I really cried my heart out because i was so frightened... so afraid because i didnt have enough time to prepare for physics. I calmed myself down and studied till 3am and went to bed. The paper was tough, and i had constant waves of panic attacks doing the paper, like shortage of breaths and gasping for air every now and then. Im not even exaggerating. Looking back, if only i could have slept and trust that my constant studying could have brought me through and have a little more faith in myself i could have passed.

So the moment promos were over, i walked home alone and i started crying cause i knew i screwed up. Jalene and Farah spotted me and gave me a hug as they didnt have paper that day. Really thankful to have them in my life. I numb my pain away and went out for the rest of the day.

The next few days and week i was down with infection so i didnt attend sch for a week. I came back and rushed WR with the group and submission was last week monday. The entire group stayed till 9pm at Joshua's house to finish our entire wr to be handed up on monday. It was a hectic, crazy week.

Thursday was the day when we got back our results. The first was chem. When mr choon gave me back my results i literally scream my heart out. I did made the 35% mark. And guess what surprise was in for me? I passed. This is the first time i've passed chem in my entire jc life though i dont deserve it. But like what ive promised, i will study very very very hard for chemistry for now onwards.

After that was econs which i felt confident about it cause i thought i did well for the paper. Result wasnt bad too.

Then came physics, which i got 56/135. Which is a freaking big fat S. I frantically calculated my overall and i got 44%. After the checking of paper i just broke down. I thought i was going to retain because physics was my only hope and i missed it by that 1%. If only i hadnt been so stressed up i would've done better and even pass, to think that my mcq was freaking 12/40 and still manage to get an S. I knew how to do the paper but i wasnt confident. Lesson learnt, never ever do last min cramming and have faith in yourself, but hard to tell given the deciding factor if i promote or not is the last paper after all the horrible papers ive sat for. I just cried and cried and jalene farah sherry mh came to comfort me. Jalene even offered to share pelipper with me. Awwww (: but shucks, i dont wanna retain cos of that 1%, its like one big slap across your face.

Friday came and i passed GP with a decent 48% but was shocked that i failed my essay 21/50 while that mh who didnt do anything but listen to the sound of f1 engine the day before GP exam at national library got 50%. Damn not fair bro...

I didnt manage to get to see my maths paper cause i had stomach flu and was literally dying in the cafe and got sent home by my teacher. I did manage to know my result though and to my delight guess what.... i freaking passed maths.
Its funny how i was frantically thinking if i could hit 35% but i did pretty decent. Like wow, im just shocked.

So promos results are
GP: E
Chinese: D
Chem h1: E
Econs: A
Maths: D
Physics: S

So i managed to scrape through promos with my overall of

GP: E
chinese: D
Chem h1: S
Econs: A
Maths: E
Physics: S

Thank god no Us. Im so, so thankful and blessed. I was about to lose hope of hardwork bearing fruits of labour but i was wrong. God has seen me through all kinds of hardships and my constant battle with maths, from late tuition till 9pm twice a week and doing many, many maths paper from various JCs to up my game, God has decided to be nice to me. Like what Miss Kerk have always said, " God will help those who help themselves. " this saying stays with me till today and i really believe maybe its part of luck that i manage to scrape through promos, thinking 225/900 people are on the verge of retaining. Im just so, so glad that im given more time and a second chance to prove myself that i can make it. 2013 is definitely a year which made me learnt a lot. From having the worst heartbreak from a guy whom i thought was the one with endless crying at night, experiencing a dear friend passing, a star whom i worship, cory monteith pass away due to over dosage of drugs to finding friends that i can keep for life and who were there for me through the darkest times and having passion for council due to encouragement from the people in there.

Next year is gonna fly. With prom, open house, orientation coming up very soon, gonna be so busy again. For now, im gonna enjoy my " slack " period. Till then!
Xoxo