The only regret that i had ever made in my life, was choosing temasek secondary school.

My prelims results was horrendous and i was disheartened and my hopes shattered when i've received my last paper, which is physics that i had put in my effort, heart and soul into it. I can't believe that i've failed a subject that im most confident in. It literally crushed my heart and the burning passion inside me had went away and sorrow overwhelmed me.

When i say that my results are atrocious, i really mean it. I've got C5 for everything, C6 for physics, and F9 for chemistry.

Whats worse is when your teachers starts to doubt you and accusing you of not studying, and even persuading you time and again to drop to combine science when you had down right made your choice of keeping it. It is disgraceful for being singled out every fucking FTCT to waste time doing SHIT like persuading you to drop to combine science and lecturing you how bad your results are. Shut up, I know that my results arent fantastic, but who are you to look down on me like that and take away my pure sciences? You would always say that the chances of getting A1 for combine science is higher blah blah blah and brain wash you into taking combine science. but NO. I strongly believe that i will, and i WILL, get A1 for my physics and i wont sacrifice that for anything else in the world. And please, instead of lecturing and making us feel bad, why not let us STUDY AND STOP WASTING OUR TIME. When ive given you my answer as a no, i mean it and you jolly well just suck it up and stop asking me again and again.

The school system is totally fucked. I dont see whats so awesome about temasek, but rather a school that manipulates people into people whom they want you to be. Im a very egoistic person and i cant stand being looked down by people and being pitied. Yes, i am arrogant but i can't change it. As much as i want to, it is who i am and it is because of my persistence and strong will that im able to push myself to do the impossible even though i clearly know that im pushing myself too hard. This is the burning flame in me that keeps me going and press on even though they are at times of giving up. I want a 6 points in O levels so bad, so bad that i often cry myself to bed because of the overwhelming stress. I know that im not smart, and it is unattainable. However, i would not give up trying until i've given it my all. I would not go down without a fight. This is something that differentiates me from the others, but sometimes it can be a torture because of the constant disappointments and failures that i've faced. I still fight, i will fight till the very end no matter how many times im being knocked down. It's not easy being someone who studies conscientiously but yet yields fucked up results.

Imagine being told that you aren't able to take A math because you've failed your maths ever since secondary two. Imagine being kicked out from higher chinese that you've spent your last 3 years devoting your blood, soul and 2 hours extra lessons just to take hcl and had gotten a C5. Imagine retaking it again and getting a B3. Same goes to my maths and physics. Ive pumped it so much effort, yet the results dont show. When i mean it doesnt show, i really mean Cs. It really frightens me as sometimes i am so close to giving up but held on after so much setbacks in my secondary school life. Failure stabbed me countless times repeatedly, and it took me a lot of courage and resilience to stand up again and face my fears and overcoming my obstacles; its not easy.

I really, really do hope that the day i receive my O level results, I will see a beautiful 'L1R5: 6' on my paper.

I wouldn't be able to pull through this tough week without the moral support from my friends like freda, for always being there for me and going consultations with me every single day. Serena, who constantly encouraged me and reminds me that i am a strong woman and taught me how to face my fears. And yunhan, for always being the punching bag for me whenever i explode and act impulsively because of my pet up fustrations and anger.


And, im really sorry for the outburst, but what im really trying to tell all of you that you are very fortunate to have decent grades and not getting chased by teachers everyday to demoralize you and remind you how awful you are and persuading to drop to combine science. I understand where all of you are coming from, but i really hate it when you whine on and on and on about your 'poor' results in front of me. I just really hope that all of you wake up and be thankful for it. Im sorry.