Hey there little one,

Yes, im talking to you. I know you are feeling very upset right now and it seemed like you have hit your rock bottom in life.

You're taking your O levels this year, and I know there an immense pressure to do well. This is going to be the toughest year of your life, because you've lost all your friends because you're so immersed in a relationship that didn't work out. You think your first love is the worse, I'm telling you otherwise because the worst is yet to come.

I know you hate school and find any reason not to attend it. You just want this whole year to faster past by. You're going to get C5 for Chinese O levels and will be forced by the school to drop your higher chinese.

Please know that everything happens for a reason.

The reason is to be free from the endless jianbaos that got you up all night trying to complete it, constant fear of going to higher chinese class, feeling inferior because you know your chinese standard doesn't match up to others in HCL. You dont seem to understand anything in lesson and you can even barely read finish an article without stuttering because you know less than half of the words on the paper. No more Saturday classes, no more useless chinese group projects. You will feel happier. Trust me.

No matter how hard you study, your prelim results is gonna suck with an L1R5 of 27. You will be confronted by your form teacher, asking you to change your subject combination to combined science. I know you will be angry, mad... but trust that the teachers really have the best interest at heart for you. You wouldn't drop because you love Physics a lot and would like to give it a shot.

I know you want to be in Temasek JC to be with your best friends, Charlotte and Bennett. However, God has better plans for you because my dear, I've seen how my best friends suffered so much there and I guess it's all part of a bigger plan, something better.

Do not choose a subject combination in JC that you know you aren't going to do well just because you have interest, you are going to put your A level results at risk.

Right now being an engineer or an accountant is all you want to do right now, but your ambitions are going to change, change into something that you wouldn't have thought about in your current life.All because someone said this to me -

'If you really want something in life, you will go out there and get it. Thinking its impossible is just an excuse because you didn't even try. '

Being an engineer or an accountant is just a job you want to settle on because you feel like you aren't special. You are just born to be normal, leading a 9-5 job and going home to a perfect family of your own. Deep down inside you know you want to shine and make the best of your life. Keep the faith and fire inside you and never let anything or anyone stop you from doing what you actually want to do, especially when the person that usually stops you from doing what you want is yourself - fear.

You will meet a guy, that will sweep you off your feet.

 You don't believe in love in first sight, until you meet him.

 Go up and talk to him and don't be shy, because he is going to be in your life sooner or later. You are going to fall the hardest in love, and you are going to hurt the most- because im still hurting till today even though its been 2 years.

There is no such thing as right or wrong, understand that there are grey and blurred lines in between.

Understand that, If you really love somebody you got to accept who they are even though they have changed - or the word is grow up. Don't be so protective and learn to accept what you deem as a deadly sin to you.

Not everyone who smoke is bad company, not everyone who drinks and have tattoo with fancy ear piercings is a bad guy. You will understand when you grow old a little and see the world, it's normal for people to be like that. If only I could change those mistakes that I did, I would.

You are probably ranting on this space right now, this little blog you own to blabber and spam your emotional thoughts because 150 characters on twitter just aren't enough. You probably think that nobody reads it anyway.

Keep on blogging because you never know who might actually read it or turn into something really important to you now like it is to me. It's more than just a diary, it's a platform for me to reach out the wider audience and share my experiences and thoughts. From a single digit unique reader can actually can turn into 150 unique views per post, and for some even more than that.

Even though the numbers are still small, Im proud to call this space my own, and actually doing it because I want to, not because im being pressured by anyone or being told to do so by anybody.

You feel that you are fat, but I can't help you with that because right now Im still feeling like that too.

You still feel inferior whenever you are with pretty girls, and you just want to dig a hole and hide in there forever.

Both of us need to get through this together, and maybe the next time i do a #dearme i can actually say i love myself.

Yes, I still don't wear shorts up till today. Im still a dress or skirt kind of girl. Don't feel sad because not every clothing is made for you. Clothes that you want to wear fits petite people. Don't sit infront of the mirror and cry because you look ugly in clothes that a thinner, smaller girl could pull it off while you look like your fats are gonna be squeezed out of your shirt.

You are beautiful. Please believe that.

You hate your name but can't think for an english name for yourself. Don't think too hard, because it's just going to come out from your own mouth when someone asked you what's your name. You never ever have to live with Siok Hwee anymore, and don't have to ever get mad when people don't remember your name because its so difficult to remember. No more being mistaken as a foreigner because of your name.

A lot of things is going to change from 16.

 The next two years is going to be the best and the worst of your life. I'm not going to tell you why, but you will understand between dealing with your worst heartbreak to stress from A levels, meeting people that you can't live without in your life, dealing with psychotic bitch over her bf, seeing people you can't stand and yes weight gain.

The best is yet to come, even for the 19 year old me. But I assure you, things are going to be better.

If you ever feel like you're having the toughest moment of your life, always remember, ' Good or bad, this too shall pass. '

I love you, please love yourself.

' Now, if you wish you could have been normal... I can promise you I do not. The world is an infinitely better place precisely because you weren't. '

That's all for now, good luck and all the best.

With so much love,
19-year-old Victoria