It was pouring.
Everyone was sandwiched between each other in the bus stop
opposite of school.
Jocelyn: 'How did you manage to see me, so many people!'
Me: 'Because I could only see the person I love in the crowd of people. '
Me: 'Because I could only see the person I love in the crowd of people. '
That was what I told her one fateful day after school in the
first semester of 2014.
If only I could put it in words of how much this girl means
to me, it would be inadequate because my love for her is indescribable. I'm
sure everyone who is close to me would know that she is always the first one I
want to see whenever im back in school, the first one i want to see the day at
prom, the first one I want to see whenever im back for council events.
It started when fate has decided to brought us together to
know each other by putting her in OG27. She was that girl in a group who speaks
little, but aware of everything that is happening around her. To be honest, I
didn't really notice her so much during orientation period because she wasn't
the one who was more outgoing, and the fact that she loves to hang out in her
own little group of friends in the OG. She only got my notice when I was
telling my OG on the very last day when we were at Ikea that I wanted to make
Victoria as my official name in my IC but didn't know how. She replied, ' There
is something called Google! ' as if it
was a dumb question. It got me laughing so hard because she said it with such a
straight face and there was just something about her that made me feel like
we're going to cross each other's lives more there and then.
We started private messaging each other, and she told me
that she wanted to join ODAC. She went for the interview and she got selected. At
the same time, she came for the recruitment talk for 29th Student Council
because her friend wanted to join and she accompanied her. Before I knew what
happened, she told me that she wanted to join council and the reason being she
didn't want to join high elements activities in ODAC. Till today I really want
to ask her if she really made the switch from ODAC to council because of not
wanting to do certain activities, or was it because of me? Because i'm very
sure that I didn't promote council to her at all and told her to join what she
loves.
Because of council, I got to spend even more time with her
and got more things to talk about with her. Just like that, we talked on a
daily basis non stop.
I remember us hanging out together in terminal 1 arrival
hall starbucks every single weekend and taking up the half of the high tables
to study and laugh non stop about stupid things that each other do like playing
slenderman and screaming in starbucks. It became a routine to just meet each
other every weekend. From stealing her thick grey jacket everyday to getting
whacked by her ponytail everytime she turn her head, we just grew to love each
other's company.
She was always there for me.
She would always meet me in short notice when she knows I'm
alone at starbucks. She would always be there to hear my endless rants about
school, she doesn't say much, but listened. She was there for me when im having
my constant breakdown over my studies(& trust me, it happens so often). She
was always there for me when I wanted to eat banmian after school. She was
always the one who kept giving me motivational quotes through watsapp every
single day when i started to count down for my A levels. Every single day.
I remembered how touched I was when she appeared right
outside my house on my birthday at 7.00AM in the morning with the exact huge
hello kitty balloon that I told her I wanted a girl carried to the airport
while we were studying. She gave me her set of her hello kitty because she
knows how much I love them, twelve cupcakes because I bought them for her once
back in February when she was feeling down. I was touched beyond words.
She will always hand make cards to me, be it for my
birthday, a random thankyou note, a motivational one to gear me for a levels,
and farewell from school. However, I never wrote any back. Not because she
don't matter to me enough to do something like that for her. It was solely
because I couldn't finish writing how much she really meant to me and how
appreciative and thankful I am that she is in my life. Im just at a loss for
words. I tried doing one but I got emotional because I know no card would be up
to my satisfaction as to what I really want to say to her.
She always makes the effort to make me feel less bad about
myself. She always told me how I wasn't ugly or fat because I kept beating
myself down for it. I admit that I took her words for granted because I always
thought she said it because she just wanted to make me feel better, till one
day she got angry at me for the very first time. She sent me this long message
after I told her how I was crying over getting rejected by a job cause I wasn't
skinny enough. ' Nothing I do or say would be able to change your mind. ' It
made me realize that she didn't say it for fun of it. When she said im not fat
for the 1000 times, she meant it out of that 1000 times. That's when I know
that, what others opinion about how I look didn't matter, it was hers that
matter to me and from that day onwards I swear I tried to accept how I am. She
was the one who made me believe in myself.
Its been a long year and it brings back so much memories
because it's like watching her grow up from being my OGM to being an OGL
herself since orientation is tomorrow. I may not have mentioned everything she
has done for me, because like i've said, anything that I write in this space
would never ever have the magnitude big enough to say how grateful I am to have
her in my life. I'm a very sentimental person. That's why I still kept in
contact with my OGL Amila who made the most impact on me in making the best
orientation for me that make me want to form a relationship with one of my OGMs
too. I admit that I did give up because I realize no one would be as
sentimental as me, but i didn't even have to try... Jocelyn came into my life
just like that.
I went for dinner just now and I got down the same bus stop
outside TPJC, I saw her again.
It was a crowd of people, but all I ever saw was her.
I have been feeling very distant from her lately, mainly
because J2 has begun for her and with orientation. When I went back for amazing
race, she was too busy guarding her game station, when i went back for OGL camp
at night she was too busy doing nightwalk. When I went back for open house, she
was too busy to eat my cupcakes I brought. She has been going back home at late
hours lately. We could go for few days without talking because she was too
tired to reply. I understand because I have been through the orientation
preparation period as well.
I just can't help but to feel like we are drifting apart.
I know that she has responsibilities now, she is experiencing
the horrendous J2 year like how I did a year ago. Sometimes I wish I could have
things back to the way they were. When I know she is going to be on the other
line when I call. Know that she will bolt down in a flash of light if I needed
her. Our starbucks date, our random pact to eat with banmian with each other
after school, our just chancing upon her when I walk around in school.
I guess these are the times where you really appreciate what
you had and serves as a reminder to always to cherish your present because it will
be gone and becomes a memory one day when you look back at things.
These are the days where I don't mind being in school and
experiencing the whole J2 again because I have her by my side. I really wish
she didn't become an OGL because I didn't want her to see her suffer going back
at ungodly hours everyday. I sound like a mother sending off her child to
school for the very first time, but I guess this is just how sentimental I am,
be it good or bad.
Jocelyn, if you see this. Press on, I know you will be the
best OGL... even better than me. Tough times would be over soon. 'Tough times
don't last, tough men do. ' Thankyou for everything you have done for me the
past one year, I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. I'm not
good at expressing myself with words in person, but here I am telling you that
you hold a special place in my heart.
Thankyou for being the most perfect
junior I could ever, ever have. I love you so much.
I know it's not a typical blogpost I would write lately, but
this is just something I want to get out off my chest. This post is very
personal and I want to share it with anyone who reads this to know what a
wonderful girl she is and how much she has changed my life.
My first photo with her during orientation(p.s. i know i was damn fat during start of year, shhh...)
balloon that she bought me
That era when she is obsessed with unicorns
and just taking endless selfies everywhere.
