I can't believe how insensitive i was saying all those words without feeling the impact of it until it's spoken. God why am i such an airhead.

The thought of not having someone important in your life right now in your future really scares me. It's really frightening how someone who once meant the world to you treats you like a complete stranger years later. There would always be a day where everything goes wrong and everything will start to crumble down. I really dont know how i would be able to handle the blow of losing him. I may look as if that i dont care about him, whether he's alive or not because we're so distant in school, or because i dont allow myself to be seen as a weakling who depends too much on a guy and would literally die without him. The truth is, i care. I care so much that i sometimes worry about him till i can't concentrate, i care too much knowing that he's not alright but he chose to keep it away from me because he'd rather keep the hurt to himself than to hurt me. Tell me, where in the world can i find such a sweet guy like him?