Victoria

Woke up at 9am to meet bennett today to go to Macritchie tree top walk. I swear i have never been so exhausted for a long, long, long time. I wanted to go to tree top walk since im all hyped for some adventure so i decided like a night ago. We alighted at marymount mrt and we couldnt find a bus to mac ritchie so we took a cab there. We started our adventure by walking around macritchie reservoir, literally. I will get to that later. So we walked along the pathway up and saw many people taking back their boat after their canoe training session. We saw this sign lim bo seng tomb and wanted to go see it so we made a detour. Wasnt anything much so we went back to our "path". After an hour only did we realize that we were walking in circles and back to the start point where there is an eatery. Argh. We were so annoyed because lacked signboards and maps that could actually lead us to where we wanted to go. Like there wasnt even any "you are here" maps at all. NONE.
View of macritchie reservoir
So... we walked to the start of our adventure after walking rounds around the reservoir. Thats when our adventure started... Start of the trail!
Signboards

 Awhile into the trail... monkeys were chasing after bennett. I swear it was so hilarious. Apparently we were walking on the path to tree top walk and there were two monkeys in our way. We thought that they wouldnt be any harm to us so we just approached them. We were so wrong because one of the monkeys started to run after bennett because he was holding onto his green tea. The monkey literally ran after him. He was so scared to death that he ran like metres away from that monkey. We managed to walk past the two monkeys and started walking.
The two monkeys... Video will be uploaded soon!

 The path towards tree top walk was so secluded... like there was nobody there and we were surrounded by nothing but trees. Genius bennett had to tell me there was snakes in the forest like argh. Why did you have to do that! The road was so rocky and uneven and it was pretty difficult to walk even when i was in my sneakers. We took like 3 hours to walk to that damn tree top walk. The road there was just so tiring. and when we started the journey they told us it was only 5km, and it started counting down from there. We felt so annoyed when we walked so much but only to realize we walked 0.5km of it.
I dont know if we were tired or the signboard was just lying to us because the last 0.4km was the most painful, and by 0.1km it surely didnt felt like it was only 0.1km because he had to climb this steep hill, and then we had to climb the stairs to the tree top walk.
When we finally got there, the view wasnt all that fantastic, and i can honestly say that i was rather disappointed because i expected more and it was nothing but just a damn bridge.
Im not lying when i say the view really isnt that fantastic. Its just trees... and more trees. The road back was just torturous because we had to climb endless steps down and endless steps up only to realize it only got us to the ranger station. We got lost and walked in circles and back to the ranger station again like goodness. We gave up and went to the side of the PUB and called a taxi and went to marina sq cause we were too weak to complete the journey.

Hello guys, as many of you all know ive been to Pulau ubin on sat and it was super awesome. It all came about when I saw Andrea posting about this instawalk, (whereby we are able to go to pulau ubin with Andrea, Sandra and Christabel and some smart local people) on her instagram when i was studying for econs at starbucks. I went to sign up and i wanted to bring someone else along too. I was in shock when thesmartlocal called me 3 days later and told me i was selected for the instawalk and i was so happy i went on to watsapp and spam people about it.

I went there and i was greeted by Fauzi, one of the smart local personnel and waited for the rest to come. The first friend i met was Yan Wen because we were in the same group and we both indicated that we are followers of Andrea. I started to feel better because i met a new friend to embark on this journey like yay! We took the boat to Pulau ubin and we had our free time to explore Pulau Ubin town by ourselves till 10am. Yanwen and I went around taking some pictures and started to mingle with other group 1 peeps. Im really surprised by how friendly all these people were and how open they are to meeting new people.



After exploring Pulau Ubin, we walked till we Pekan Quarry. Pulau Ubin is apparently called granite island in malay and people use to do mining for granite. When all the mining stopped, the water filled these lands and thus becoming a quarry. Pekan Quarry is just one the five quarries in Ubin. The sight is just breath taking. Even after coming to Pulau ubin so many times with my grandma before, i have never really explored the whole of pulau ubin. Being at pekan quarry was one of the many discoveries during this trip. The view was just amazing; the clouds were so puffy and the sky is really denim blue. The waters at the quarry was so green with the sun rays shining on them. Andrea, Christabel and Sandra all took many photos here and believe me when i say they pose effortlessly. Sandra managed to do a yoga move on the fence and we were all holding our breaths because we were so scared she might fall over.

Yanwen and I
Sandra doing her yoga pose on the fences
Andrea taking a shot infront of a red van
Didnt know how to pose so i just smiled
Group photo with Fauzi and some group 2 peeps!

We took a van into the forest and we came to house no. 1. I swear i have NEVER seen this house in my life, like ever. I didnt even know it existed till i came to this walk. Apparently it is a cottage served as a holiday home for Langdon Williams in 1930s and now it is a conserved building as a tourist attraction. Behind the house there was this long stretch of broadwalk for us and everyone was busy taking photos of themselves. Christabel and Andrea were taking so many beautiful photos. it got me laughing so hard when they were trying to get their shots done.
Andrea " walk like you have a purpose. "
* christabel starts to march-walk *
Andrea " Not that kind of purpose!!! "
I swear we just burst out laughing. Andrea went to take a few shots and she looked so beautiful in every shot taken. She just had to take a few steps forward and turn and that was it. Like, bam bam bam, every move of hers was just like a picture perfect you dont even have to ask her how to pose. I swear she is some goddess. Im really amazed by how they took their photos and the poses they do, like they have been posing their entire life.
Of course, we started many photos there are well.

Next, we went to coastal broadwalk, a 600m long walk. You can see tekkong island from here(hello army boys) as well as Kota Tinggi malaysia. We were walking the bridge build on sea and it was really a good view up here. This is when serious spamming of photos starts
Everyone is taking photos of themselves HAHA!

We took the van back to Balai Quarry, which is similiar to Peka Quarry, just that the water is much greener. The view is just awesome. one of the TSL personnel activated this flying thing and we were so amazed by it.
Before we knew it, it started to pour and we took the van back to Pulau Ubin Town. I managed to ask Andrea, Sandra and Christabel before we left. yay! Favourite shots of the day!
Christabel!
Andrea!
Sandra!
Andrea! :) Sorry for the bad quality photos because my phone sucks HAHA but im so happy that i managed to get a picture with them anyway. It was just a short 5 hour trip but it felt so amazing because i have now seen a different side of pulau ubin and i also got the privilege to see how influencers take their photos. Maybe one day, just one day i can be like them too. * crosses fingers *. I will definitely go to pulau ubin again and go the same route as i did today. Im so glad that im able to get on this journey. Thankyou TSL/MND for organizing this trip because ive definitely enjoyed myself. Out of the many times ive been to Ubin, this is the best thus far.

3 more days till you are back, 4 more days till i finally get my well deserved freedom. 3 more days to chinatown's adventure again. 3 more days till im finally able to sort my feelings out. I really cant wait.

I felt that i didnt do my very best for econs, and i really dont know if i did up to a certain expectation.

Math is finally fucking over. And im done with it for life. Me and maths are never ever getting back together, like.. ever.

All my life i've really hated, detest, just hate math for life. I didnt know life, or any subject was "undoable" until H2 math came into the picture. Before i realize what i had gotten myself into, there is no way of turning back.

It feels so weird because a bulge of my time has been spent on this time consuming devlish hell subject that i've grown to hate it so much its so weird its finally gone. Its like you just want some free time when you are so busy and when you finally do, you realize you dont have any purpose in life.

When i was doing the paper every question made me felt like this:


Im not going to comment on the paper but fingers cross i hope i get a decent grade with the amount of effort ive put in. But im feeling pretty terrible right now so im just gonna rant and sleep today off and start a new day tomorrow.

Life is so horrible right now. 3 more subjects to go before i bade goodbye to them forever.

Im so afraid i cant even make it to a uni. Honestly, i really do...

If im really so smart and studiously read my lecture notes and able to absorb everything why do i even need you to begin with? You told me to ask you questions but all you ever did was, " go read your lecture notes. " or " this is basic stuff. " i feel very bad but you really make me feel damn stupid and as if everything i ever ask you is just dumb to you. You just put me off in even bother asking you something because you are just going to tell me to do whatever that any student would do first before asking. And if we can really absorb everything and know everything in our lecture books we are all gonna be As student no? But im not there yet thats why i need you. Your support and no matter how stupid it is you shouldnt be annoyed. You of all people should know how painful, demoralizing it is to get scolded. You should know why you even ask questions and got scolded by your teacher when you are a student. I am just the same. And the way i think is just different and not like you. I already know you are gonna scold me but i asked anyway because im desperate and bcos i couldnt find any answer to my question. It really hurts. It wouldnt harm trying to be a little less harsh. I know you care, but i really just dont like it when you do this to me... because of all people you should know i never loved those subjects and im trying my best... even if it means asking dumb question at this crucial period of time. Im dumb. Thats why i need you. Dont you get it?

I am so angry right now because of something someone said to me and i just find it absolutely insulting and stereotypical of people. Why do we all live in such a superficial world where grades reflect your self worth to the world and where people cry and get depressed over a piece of fucking paper only serving a purpose to get into university in the end.

i am NOT saying that A levels is NOT important. IT FUCKING IS.

Im talking about if it doesnt works out, its not the end of the world, even though to a 18/19 year old it is. But the world is so much more than that. If you are one of that kind of person who thinks that people who cant go to university are just failures in life, fuck the hell off away from me. I absolutely abhor such people. Does having a degree assure that you  will get a high paying job next time? Generally of course. But this doesnt give people the right to say that without a degree you arent going to be successful in life, or yet worst being categorized as someone who is a failure in life. For all you know, they are going to be your boss next time and being more successful in life than you will ever be with that god damn degree. Drop that superficial attitude and mindset because life is more than just pieces of paper which quite determines the rest of your life. We take A levels for the sake of going into university, but when it doesnt work out there is always other options. I think i have a fair argument here given the fact that i have not sat for my A levels and got my certificate, A levels definitely makes me feel like my intelligence is nowhere near others, inadequate, low self esteem because i couldnt reach my goal even till prelims. But these are the harsh conditions that we are put into to push ourselves to push our limits, to make ourselves to be the best of what we can be. The society made us feel this way just to condition us to strive for the better. But even through the process of working hard and pushing your limits and one still cannot make it, it fucking doesnt mean one is stupid, it just means that studying is just isnt their forte, or maybe a late bloomer.

People are put in very harsh conditions of pressure, expectations to only show ourselves how strong we really are to push through all these obstacles, may be through tears, through having countless anxiety attacks, through depression even. That being said, It already shows how strong someone is just by completing their A levels even though they know they couldnt make it, because there are so many, just way too many people who fail to enter the exam hall because they are overwhelm by the fear of failure.

Dont ever let a piece of paper determine your self worth, this is what Jana said to me and its true. Society would always keep pushing you to test your limits, to go beyond boundaries. Countless people have succeeded without a degree, so dont ever say that they are failures. Because people who have mindsets like you are the losers because they fail to see the meaning of life, the meaning of true strength when you get knocked down by a big failure in life in As only to get back up on your feet again. Dont look down on people because you arent so great yourself. Life will continue to throw shit at you, and people like you who have this mindset will just break and crumble if you are faced with this kind of set back.

The truth is, I never stopped thinking about you. There isn't a day that has gone by that you arent on my mind. It's been so long. I should have moved on. But i cant.

If only i could turn back time, i would do everything so differently. I lost a guy i loved so much due to my pride and stubbornness. If only i still could talk to you, i would tell you how sorry i am for being so protective, too protective even though i did so out of love.

I doubt you will see this anyway. You have long moved on. I know tuay very well. But somehow deep down inside, i still cling onto that glimpse of hope. Hoping you would give me a second chance. Because i've never loved someone so much before in my life to put my pride aside, having so many recurring dreams everyday about him every night now and then, feeling so empty when i wake only to realize the sad truth that we arent on speaking terms anymore. I never stopped loving you. Never did, and i dont think i ever will.

If only i had a second chance. Things will be so different now. You will still be with me, i wont be missing you so badly. I wont be hating on myself everyday wondering what i did wrong that cost me to lose the love of my life forever.

I miss you. When will i ever have a chance to see you again?

Its been 29 hours since ive last spoken to you. There is nothing in the world i want right now than to be in your arms right now. I couldnt stop thinking of you throughout the day. What were you doing? What would you do if you were there with me? What were you thinking? As much as you can say your friends think that im always the one ignoring you, i have never stopped thinking about you and you have never stopped running through my mind. I only ignored you to protect my own heart.

I've been caring too much about you, so much so that i have been putting myself through so much pain. All i ever thought about is to get your grades up when i know you didnt do well even though im no better myself.
Its love that drives me insane, insanely into you that i cant take my mind off you no matter how i tried to deny it. You have no idea how much i love you.

I always wonder if our conflicting views of things will ever get into the way of our relationship. It definitely did. We both want different things and seek for different kind of happiness in a relationship. Are we ever going to work this out? Honestly, im scared to answer it myself.

I stopped talking to you but it was never my best interest at heart. I always say that i did so because you are hurting me. But how can it be true when the excruciating pain i get when i dont even get to speak to you is so much worst?

Im putting aside my pride, because you should know im always putting up a strong front and appearing tough and oblivious to my surroundings. I hate feeling inferior, I hate it when i have to admit that i love you more than you love me. Because yes, i do. A hell lot that makes me want only the best for you.

Maybe these are just tough times. But i/ve always thought that im dragging you down.
" Im always unproductive when im with you. "
It just proves all my insecurities right and i really was a drag to you.
If not talking to you eases all your pain and worries i would do it for you unconditionally.
If there is one thing that i cannot take away from you, is your happiness.
You seem so happy now, and there is nothing i should do to destroy it.
Because no matter you are with me or not, you will get over it. Because im just a drag.
Im sorry for pulling you down for the past one year. Im sorry for being the reason why you ever got angry in the first place because you hardly do. Maybe, just maybe... i was never good enough for you.

I miss you.
I really fucking do.