Victoria

Its painful. I dont know what im doing anymore.

Its so painful to swallow my pride. I've never did that for anyone, ever.

Yes i dont like it when you go you go out late at night. Especially right after you've spent the entire day with me. Makes me feel like a spare tyre. Especially when u kinda never reply my msgs...

But if i ever said anything, you'll be mad. Its not worth it. I love you.

Im such a useless girlfriend.

Im broken.
Help.

This is what im afraid of; you getting tired of me. It always happens in between the 5th/6th month of a relationship and its always the turning point where how much you really love someone is being put to the test.

Its 12.00am on the 5th month, and you didnt wish me like how you would. Okay, i can overlook that; its nothing, we're going to be stuck together for the rest of our lives so i guess it doesnt matter. It hurts, but i get it.

Im as insecure as you. Remembered how that guy dumped me because he got tired of me, got so annoyed with me? Yeah, i remembered those feelings.

You just reminded me why i shoud be single for the rest od my life, because i suck at relationships, because i hold onto every single detail too firmly and i take these shit too seriously.

We've been through several relationships before we met each other. Both of us know exactly how it feels to be abandoned.

Ive never loved myself, and i dont see any reason to. I tried to dig out any plausible reasons but nope god forbids because im just so not special.

I get insecure when you talk to other girls, i just do. I mind, but im not saying u cant. Its my own issues that i have to deal with, but you dont just assume that im mad and that im trying to start a fight...

Life is so sucky now, and our relationship is going downhill. I dont feel that you love me as much as before.

Maybe its just me; blame it on me for being such a boring person. If you ever leave, i'd understand.

We started off as strangers, and we got close when it was the holiday period. Now that we both have a life to live, apart from each other, i think the purpose of us being together just died... from such a sweet and beautiful thing to becoming a burden in our lives. Our lives will not cross each other's paths from now onwards and never will till we get married. I just cant bear to feel so insignificant in your life... so useless. I really feel that the gap is getting wider and wider as each day passes by and it really sucks cause im sure thats not what we want. Im so lost, without direction. I cant feel your love, im tearing apart. I didnt know its gonna be such a tough journey. we have been fighting everyday ever since you have started school and i honestly dont know why. Its so hurtful. Maybe our lives just... sucks.

I cant feel you, baby. I need you.

Havent been updating my blog for awhile cause i have been busy studying and all. JC life is an irony.

Have been feeling really down and stressed up these days.

Im really glad that my boy has been by my side through this month of April. It has been a really tough month i must say, and without him, i dont even know how would i be able to pull through all these shit ive been going through.

Loving him more and more each and everyday. He is the only one who can fix my broken smile with a joke made up by himself or doing something really silly. He is the first guy that i've felt so strongly about despite being in different school. I would never ever take up this kind of "long distance relationship" because distance would pull us apart. It really takes a lot of compromises, understanding and effort to keep the relationship burning and alive. Its been four months ever since we've officially gotten together and it wasnt an easy journey.

Looking back, he was the one who has been holding to this relationship when it is on the verge of dying. He is the one who would go that extra mile just to make me feel good about myself and he would do anything to keep me by his side. Now it's my turn to question myself, ' what have i done for this relationship? ' Obviously, nothing came up to my mind because i've not been trying my best to keep this relationship. As guilty as im feeling now, ending this relationship because i feel insecure its not the way. Like someone who has said to me, ' Quitting is not the solution, its just the easy way out. ' I must admit that i am a coward; i run away from my problems, i pretend to be ignorant, i always give up when things get tough. Maybe that explains why all my past relationships didn't work out in the end; because i gave up instead of finding a solution, or rather the other half just got tired of giving in all the time while i wasn't willing to give anything to save the relationship.

Yes, i feel insecure because he is a flawless, girls-kill-to-be-with guy. So, instead of sitting here and whine endlessly about how insecure i feel and he deserves better, why not do something that makes me feel like im worthy of being with him?

Feeling fat, ugly and a potato?
Get up and run

Feeling like you've not given enough?
Do something sweet for him to make his day

Feel like you havent been treating him right?
Change your attitude

Its that simple; however our minds tend to ,look for the easy way out because; we can and there's nothing that could stop us from doing so. Why not stop and ponder about it for a moment, is this temporary insecurity worth the pain of losing someone who's so dear to your heart and regretting months or years later because you havent given in your best to keep them? No. Definitely not.

I know its difficult not to chance upon that kind of quitter thought, but if i dont give in my best not to think about it, my boy and i would forever be fighting, and the problem lies with me. If, one day he decides to get up and go because he's tired of me, at least... just at least i know that i've given my best in everything that could possibly be done and we would both part knowing that we are just not meant for each other rather than having a heart full of remorse over the things that could have been done.

Thats my thoughs for now.
xoxo

Its 11.48pm right now and here i am sitting in front of my computer, feeling so helpless because i have no idea what's going on. Why do you have to lie straight into my face when i asked you where you were? Do you know how fucking worried i am right now?

I was busy preparing your birthday gift because i've got a busy week ahead of me. I let my phone aside for a few hours, i let you away from my sight just for that few hours and you went out when i've told you a countless times not to do so as its dangerous. I care for you. I know you're a grown man but still anything can happen, okay?

Why does everyone know about your condition except me? When i asked you about it, you lie straight into my face? Dont you know how much importance you place in my heart? Right now, you're at A&E waiting... while i can't do anything about it already makes me feel like i havent been doing my duty as your girlfriend.. To make matters worse, you dont even want to tell me what happened to you.

This really makes me question my privilege to be with you, or rather do i mean as much to you. You can send tweets, but you can't drop me a message saying that you're at the hospital now because something has happened to you. Just, why? Im worried sick right now, still as clueless as ever... I've got an undone PI to do, yet i can't get my mind to focus on anything right now. Please be alright...

Even it has been months that we have been together with each other, i dont know why, but this sense of insecurity always gets hold of me. Its not that i dont want to talk to you, but sometimes i just dont find that i have the right to, because im not good enough. I can give you 5 reasons why i feel this way.

1. You are gorgeous.
Not just in any kind of way, but the everyone-stares-at-you-while-you-walk-by kinda way. Talk about being insecure when im with you man.

2. You are ever forgiving.
You can never get angry at me, no matter how nonsensical i can get, how angry im at you for not meeting my stupid expectations, me taking you for granted.

3. You are loving.
You would do anything, and i mean anything in the world for me. And what do i have to offer you in return? Nothing. Just sit around and be useless.

4. You dont ever let me spend a single cent on myself.
You pay for my expenses even when its not your duty to do so. Like cmon, my food? I feel so bad whenever u buy food/drinks for me and i dont finish them. And yiu're already so tight on money.

5. You are mr perfect boyfriend.
You are so perfect in everything that you do, be it being neat and tidy, being commited to something, being sweet and caring, being the best boyfriend that anyone would die to have you.

Im nothing but a hot tempered, self centred spoilt little bitch who would leash my fustrations at you and get angry at you for no reason at all.

Maybe i shouldnt even be with you in the first place. You are being tight down to someone who isnt going to give you what you deserve mr perfect... i have no rights. I will forever feel like a loser being by your side. You deserve better...

So, its going to be his 18th birthday soon and i wanted to plan a birthday party for him. I wanted to make it grand for him, therefore i asked his usual clique of friends who have been through his whole secondary school life with to make it special and meaningful. As such, i went to contact a friend of his, obviously the one who is the most amiable and approachable. I roughly told him what i wanted to do for his birthday. However, he had something else in mind. He told me that since two of his clique have their birthday on the almost same dates, he told me to let his clique settle his birthday and let them celebrate for him. He asked me again if im alright with it. I agreed to it unwillingly.

I feel so disheartened. I mean, i know that his friends mean a lot to him because they have been through years of thick memories and friendship, even way, way before he had met me. Their bonds are as strong as giant lattice colvalent structure and i have no right to destroy that because i have just been in his life for 3 months, maybe 6 months when he first met me. However, i just feel so disheartened and unimportant. It's his 18th birthday, so i shouldnt be complaining about it and just let his clique do his birthday party for him and i should sit in one corner and suck my thumb like a big loser girlfriend because i can't connect with them. I have never ever had such difficulties communicating with people. I've always thought that being friendly and daring makes me approachable and easy to talk to. What now? I just get left out; and not just any event, but his 18th birthday. I dont know why im making a big fuss about his birthday, but its probably because its the first time im gonna celebrate his birthday with him and probably its because its his 18th. I know that he will definitely enjoy it with his friends, but somehow deep down in my heart i just wish that im there for him as well.

I just feel like a freaking loser. Im already very insecure about myself, today just made it worst. I've always felt like im the reacher trying to keep my prince charming beside me while he is the settler settling for something lesser than he deserves. He is just so perfect in every way that i cant even find any flaws with him. While me? im just a fucking screwed up girl trying to keep her life together. Till now, i still dont know what does he ever see in me for him to fall in love with me. I hate myself so much sometimes. Call me emotional, but come on every girl wants her prince charming in their lives, and now that i have him, im so afraid of losing him because i really cant find any reason about me for him to stay with me. Whenever i walk beside him i'll feel that everyone's looking at us thinking, ' why the hell are these two couple even together? '
I feel so insecure all the time whenever im with him. I've never ever felt so bad about myself, ever. Maybe he's just too perfect and i can never be good enough for him.

I honestly didnt see this coming, but it really hit me hard, on my face. Maybe his friends just feel that im not good enough for him and he is definitely off for someone better. Well its not a surprise because i kinda felt it somewhere inside my heart, and my feeling's never wrong. Im his girlfriend after all, is it so wrong wanting to celebrate his birthday with him? I just feel like im being thrown aside, so unimportant, like a speck of dust. Im not saying they are wrong, they are definitely not wrong, and i can understand where they are coming from, just it just kills me inside knowing that i mean so little in his life and that i wont be celebrating his birthday with him. Sometimes i really wonder what am i even worthy to even be in his life. But, what can i do? Just suck it in, suck everything in like a whiny bitch and close one eye, move on. Its time to face the truth, and

It's has been a month since school have started and everything has been moving in a fast forward pace. Honestly, i love TPJC despite the strict school rules and some flaws the school has.

One thing i absolutely love about the school is the people there. On the first day of school, i was so nervous and even got aaron to send to me to school because i absolutely didn't know anyone who went to TPJC and i was all alone. However, thank god that i had serena to accompany all the way to the hall and we were eventually being split up because we are in different OG. I sat down and kept using my phone to text aaron because i REFUSED to talk to anyone. It was so tensed but things got better when the orientation programme eventually started and different clans went up on stage and present their cheer and dance. The OGLs had definitely hyped up the mood and made things better. On the first day of orientation it was really horrible because everyone looked so bored as though they dont want to be there. After leaving the hall, we proceed to one of the lecture hall and sort out administrative stuff and thats when i got to know my first friend in tpjc, beitriss chua AKA my squrriel! From then on, we started doing everything together. Over the weekend after the first day of orientation, Jane personally Watsapped me because i was talking about how i wanted to join dance and wanted to know more about it and we kinda started talking on that day onwards.

On the second day, we learnt the mass dance and beitriss and I somehow got close to Elyn and Fardiana and we became a small girl clique together ever since. I can't actually remember the guys and their faces because im very bad at remembering names and its especially difficult especially for guys because they look all the same to me, unless you're super cute! hahaha, no offence og19 guyssss! I think the first guy that i got to know was Ryan because the OG had started a rumour about him liking some girl. The rest of them i eventually got to remember them such as Amos who looked like justin back in my secondary school, Randall, Javier, Bad luck shawn, Aaron Lau the always hungry and the-guy-who-has-funny-eye-brows-and-who-loves-bubbletea, Wei Quan and the always-bo-jio mr thaqif. Im really, really glad that we really clicked as an OG and this bond is unbreakable. On the last day of orientation, Beitriss, Jane and I were the only triplets because there was an odd number in our OG for amazing race. We had so much fun and laughter and Beitriss and I constantly panicked because Jane is forever missing and appearing out of nowhere again just like a little girl running around HAHAHAHA! :) sorry hamtaro :P

 Even though we have been posted to our CG for a few weeks already, we still went out for Seoul Garden lunch after Road run and study till late into the night in school with a bunch of peeps. Also, not forgetting sharing Nachos with Elyn in Chinese Lecture every Thursday. The feeling that i get from OG19 is irreplaceable and definitely memorable. I really wish things would ceteris paribus because i really love this bunch of awesome people.

On top of all that, we really had super OGLs to guide us along throughout before we had gotten our CG, Amila, Junie, Jinghao and Kendrew. One of the OGL, Amila, went beyond her duties as an OGL and went extra miles just to bond us together such as constantly asking why are we so sian and encouraging us to try our best to win the games in the orientation by letting us make the OGLs do forfeit for every game that we had won. Im really glad that her efforts are not wasted and she is definitely one OGL that would remain in our hearts. She was always there with us through our orientation and she is the one who had made the most impact in our journey throughout as an OG by being there whenever she can. She is definitely my inspiration to be an OGL for the next batch of J1s next year.

 Moving on from orientation, im posted to 13S21, where this class is dominated by guys and five girls. This is probably so because its a H2 physics class and not many girls take physics. I love physics to bits okay, dont judge! I love my CG as well as everyone's really nice and friendly. One of the person whom i can get along really well is Kavita. I really admire her strong willpower to move on from her difficulties and she is definitely a strong woman in my eyes. I really appreciate how she is so patient with me teaching me vectors and helping me to be ahead of others. Morever, she even helped to dig out her past SA1 papers for me because i asked for it. She gives off this motherly love for me because whenever im stress out she would always know the right thing to say to me. I remembered i broke down after GP lesson because the teacher had said an insensitive remark to me. She was the first one to offer me tissue and constantly asking me what was wrong. Whenever i feel that going to school early in the morning is tiring, i would always think of how kavita needs to wake up early in the morning at 4.45am just to be on time for school and i should not have any complaints that im tired. I came to realize that after she told me how early she has to get up just to go school every single day, i stopped complaining about how tiring school was and i miraculously felt so energized every single day to go to school. It really means a lot to me to see her smile even though she is really tired and exhausted from all the travelling that she has to go through in a day. She had also made me stopped cursing so much, well at least when im with her with i am most of the time and made me appreciate the things that i have. I really hope that we can get through this year together and hopefully to be in the same class as her the next year because she is someone i can learn a lot from and someone that im so blessed to having in my life.

For my 2013 resolution, i would really wish that i can attain and stick to it for the rest of the year because its gonna get tough and there would definitely be many tears to be shed, quarrels and obstacles ahead.

For one thing that im really blessed to have in my life is my dear aaron who is always there for me. I know that i have always took him for granted because im too caught up in achieving my goals that i tend to push people away, or do anything rather just to achieve selfish aims. Im really glad that aaron is so understandable and he didnt not murmur a single complain about me choosing a JC when all his best friends and their girl would be going to the same poly but i had to leave him alone. It was a really tough decision, but he supported me no matter what and that is really heart warming. On valentine's day, he invited me over and personally cooked dinner for me which consists healthy food like baked potatoes, chicken breast and macorooni because he knew that i was health conscience and i want to maintain my body shape. Not only that, he had made a video titled '52 reasons why' just for me. The reason behind why he had made this video is because i have always been insecure about myself and i have always been constantly asking him, 'why me?' Therefore, he wrote 52 reasons why he loved me on blank poker cards he had bought from ghoby ghaut and made it into a video. He made this video with so much editting and over night work just to present it to me for Valentine's day. The video had brought tears to my eyes because of the effort that he had put into it and the lengths he would go just to make me feel special and important to him. The video was not the only gift that he had given me. He had bought a pink cardigan for me because i have always been constantly saying that i need a cardigan but didnt have the time to buy it. Im just so blessed to have him by my side. He's constantly by my side and trying to hold onto our relationship whenever we quarrel and put his pride aside by apologizing even though its not his fault because he knows that im someone who is too proud to give in. On our 3rd month, he made another video for me featuring all the things that i have bought for him and the memories we had collected over the past 3 months. I really hope that im able to learn how to stop being so selfish and start opening my eyes to see who is really there for me in times when i need them the most. Im glad that my boy and I are still strong together despite all our differences, obstacles and fights. I really dont know what would i be without him by my side.

All in all, this year has been great and i hope that it will remain this way :)

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with guilt because others have done for you so much that you could never ever repaythem, not even with gratitude. I dont know why i feel so weird, but i've never been so pampered by my bf. As im a sentimental person, i would definitely take note of all the little things that he has done for me and all these would eventually add up to the guilt that i can never get rid off and it just piles on as time goes by. Im never an easy person to deal with. Im a very dominant woman who knows very clearly what she wants in her life and would do almost anything just to get what she had set out to do so. Of course, these kind of women have a very bad temper and im of no exception. I strive for perfection in everything that i do. Of course, its tiring and mentally draining to be that way. So where do i vent all my fustrations on? Him. Despite everything from my bad temper from screaming and yelling at him for no apparent reason to being so self absorbed in my own world, he still stood by my side throughout everything. He isnt someone who has a very good temper. To think that he's able to withstand all my nonsense is really worth commending. He always knows what im thinking of on my mind and he doesnt let me go back unless i speak my mind so that i can feel at ease after i go home. He has done so much for me from fliming and editting my sc video to fetching me from school when i felt lonely and empty at times. How i wish i can do something that will make us on the same tile so that no one owes any gratitude and we both can feel guiltless. How i wish i can be a better girlfriend towards him by controlling my temper. Im just not used being the one on the receiving end because im always the giver in any relationship and i like it that way. Sometimes, i just secretly wish im the best you have ever had, but i fail to think that way every single time becausei gave up on deceiving myself. I suck.

Some of you may know that i didn't fair well in my O levels. For the past few weeks there was so much self-hatred, deceit, negatibity inside of me that i didn't have the courage to face anyone except for a few close and dearest to my heart people. Looking back, I've given my best, and i couldn't give anymore even if i rewind time. After much reflection, i guess its just because of the wrong subject combination that i had taken, or probably the way that i've studied was wrong. I honestly felt that the burning, ferocious flame in me that kept me going for years just flickered and extinguished. It took much encouragement, comfort and support that got me back up my feet and going. I really dont know what i would do without my family and my dearest. After all, that phase of life is gone and i need to brace myself and shine. I may not burn as bright as the others now, but its not too late yet. I need to smile and push through everything. I really can't wait for the week where he officially quits his job and have the whole week with me. I've already planned every single day out on that week. Its a short post cause i dont really feel like blogging hehe, gonna blog again soon sometime this week!

I've got to be honest, right after the last o level paper i've pushed every thought about o level results and enjoyed every day of my holiday till every bit of it. Right now, i cant push it away any longer because im going to get my results tomorrow. Suddenly, there's this surge of anxiety and fear within me, plunging into every single cell of my being that makes me shiver and tremble at the thought of it. I wish i can run away from it even longer, but i know that i got to face it sooner or later. Thinking back, these four years of my education hasnt really been easy on me, it was a really tough journey indeed with many traumas that i had to face in between and the stress that i had faced throughout my secondary 4 life. Im feeling really, really stressed out now because i really have no idea what to expect for my results tomorrow. It just seem so misty, clouded. I hate not knowing how my future looks like because i absolutely hate uncertainty, especially when im so insecure all the time. I know that ive gave in my 100% for this o levels and i couldnt study even harder if i had the ability to turn back time. Those who know me, you should totally understand what im saying now. Of course, i didnt make this journey through alone. There are definitely many precious people that had helped me through my darkest times. Firstly, i would really want to thank bennett tan for being with me through most of my secondary school life. He is the one who was always there for me when i needed him, supported me through every decision that i had made even though it was stupid. Through massive heartbreaks from guys who doesnt deserve me, those j.co study sessions and spazzing over hot guys with me, receiving text messages from him asking for my well being from time to time and heartwarming words of encouragement from time to time. He is really like a big brother who looks after me through all these years and i can always count on him if i have no one else to turn to. He is so, so precious to me and he has definitely made my life much brighter with his presence around because he gives me a sense of security and rubs his positive vibes on me every single time. Secondly, my best friend charlotte. I know that both of us are very academic-priority people and we dont talk a lot. However, i always, always think about you from time to time. Whenever i felt like giving up, i will always think about the promise that i've made to you when ive gotten my secondary 1 CA1 results that day, sitting on Tanah merah platform waiting for my train to arrive. You are the reason why ive pushed myself so hard and someone whom i always idolize. Believe it or not, ive always secretly wished that i could be more like you. I really dont know how you can toerate my nonsense from primary 6 david lam dumb dumb till now, still as emotional as ever. I know you are short tempered, but do know that i love you no matter what, no matter how harsh you scream at me because i know you care. We've been through so much together, so much apart. I just wish that i could get into the same school as you and create more memorable moments with you, together like how we've planned 4 years ago. I didnt know how strong our friendship was till it was being put to test by separating us to different secondary schools. It is no coincidence why we had lasted till now. No one understand me like you do, and you will never ever judge me no matter how ridiculous i am. Charlotte, i would never ever forget the promise that ive made with you, every single one of them. We still have yet to go overseas together with kaising when we are older. I just want to tell you that im very remorseful that ive let you down if i dont get the results to go to the same jc as you. You have no idea how guilty i will feel. Nonetheless, you will still forever be my best friend no matter the results. I love you. Like ive said, if u get more than 10, i will let you sit on my head for as long as you like. :) Thirdly, you should know who you are. Thankyou for giving me so much confidence in myself over the past one year. No one has ever told me that im beautiful and had realized how different i am from other girls. Thankyou for being there for me, through my tears, my tantrum during the o level period. Thankyou for believing in me no matter what. Thankyou, for being there for me everyday, everytime when i needed you. Thankyou for not persuading me to drop to combine science like how everyone else did because you know how much i love physics. Thankyou for seeing through my worst and supporting me after prelims when you know ive done badly for it. It was definitely a wake up call for me. I know the way i study during the Pre-Os post prelim period is really scary, but you never failed to cool me down after my emotional break downs from time to time and keep assuring me with words like ' Im sure you will do well, look at you, you are so hardworking. ' I would always shoot you back with ' hardworking doesnt get you anywhere ', but today, i wouldnt. I've always admired how you managed to stay positive even though you almost got retained in sec 3 and bloomed in sec 4 and never gave up. You are definitely someone i should look up and learn from, because ive never met someone so bubbly as you who stayed so calm through the tough times. I know ive always taken you for granted, but i guess we just arent meant to be because ive always look as you as my brother and nothing more. I am sorry for all the hurt that ive caused you that made you behaved so desperately. I just want you to know, without you, i wouldnt know what to do without you and i wouldnt be who i am know it werent for you. You've guided me through my sec 4 life and i couldnt be more thankful. If you didnt came into my life, i would still be that quiet, shy, shut-everyone-out girl who sees the world as nothing but full of betrayal and hurt. I really appreciate all those words of encourgement and how you always believed that my future seems so bright to you. You opened up my world and let me see things that i didnt see in myself before, be it illusional or not, it had definitely made me feel better about myself. You are a very smart boy, dont deny it anymore okay. All the best for tomorrow. Im sure you will be smiling as usual, like the cheerful boy u are! Fourth, all my teachers who had taught me and had consultations with namely Mdm Wan, Ms Yang, Mrs Chia, Mrs Chan, Mr Mubarak, Mr Lim wm, Mdm yeo, Mdm sabina, Mr choy. And of course those teachers that had helped me with consultations after school even though im not their student especially Miss Yam and Ms Yang. Mdm Wan, thankyou for always encouraging me and telling me how to perfect my english and improve my word to perfection. Although you didnt have much time for me cause you have many students, but you are always like a mother to me and a great teacher that made me want to give my best and not to lose up in English even though im not very strong in it. Mrs Chan, for being the mother towards me. I still get chills in my nerves whenever you caught me by surprise by asking me questions in chemistry lab. I know ive always hated chemistry and you had tried your best to help me, even at the very last minute which u absoutely hate. Choy, for always being so concerned for my maths and teaching me tough love. Thankyou for always asking me about my maths after every lesson and always giving extra remedial just to help me. I still remembered you using your lunch break going through my TYS while eating your noodle beside me. Haha! Mdm sabina! For not giving up on me when i went to her at the last minute. Ive got to be honest, i didnt really liked her but i kind of grew fonder of her after millions of consultations with her and she didnt even mmind me taking up her slots. Without her, i think my lit would just end up in crash and burn. &, thankyou for the comfort message at night when i thought i didnt answer the question for my Os. To know that i didnt really calmed me down for my remaining papers. Miss yam, even though im not your student, you still welcome me with open house and gave in your best and attention for me to brush up my social studies. I still remember the first time i apprached you was during night studies when i didnt get how to do usefulness question. I guess somehow your friendliness made me want to have a teacher like you! Weiming, for always choosing your words when you are talking to me cause you know im sensitive. I can never ever have any cooler econs teacher than you! :) Thankyou for taking the time for marking each and every one of my econs essays which i think may have accumulated to at least 20 during that one month. I just wish that i had approached you earlier. I was so scared of you cause you seemed so hostile. Just really glad that i got to know you better in the last month of my time as a sec 4. I have so many, many reasons to be thankful because i have so many precious people that have helped me through not forgetting my tuition teachers miss kerk and mrs quekie, my mother who always told me she loves and be proud of me no matter what result that i get and my dad for being so confident in me. So, i'll just cross my fingers, and hope for the best tomorrow. I just know that ive given my very very best and i have nothing to regret. I will get the desirable results that i want for my o levels, because i deserve it and it will be tears of joy tomorrow. #thesecret xoxo ciao! :)