Victoria

3 more days till the end of Os. I really cant wait! I always feel so crappy whenever i see people posting up pictures of them playing on instagram or working when im like stuck with 3 more days of Os. I mean come on! I want this hell to be done and over with! Anyway, its the 4th day of my diet today and wow to be honest ive never stick with it for more than 2 days. #achievementunlocked Hope i will lose those extra weight and look nice in my prom dress. Ultimately its to leave those people who kept calling me fat nothing left to say. So wait you bastards. Recently, i've just realized that people fall into different hierachy in the society. People from different categories just dont get along because their way of life and their thoughts are completely different. Sometimes i dont feel that i fit in during physics tuition because everyone there are so smart and their presence always remind me of how i can never match up to them. Same goes for my bestie who is just smart and whatever i say just makes me look dumb in front of her. On the other hand, i can never understand how some people just like to throw their lives away by playing everyday. I really hate people who dont take charge of their own lives or at least try and all they can ever think of is to play. Yes i can be tolerant to some extend but once you step over the line by forcing me to play along with you and disregard my priority you are ruled out of my life. I will not hesitate to cut you off from my life because thats for the best for me. Im not being selfish, i just know my priorities. On top of that, i really hate idiots who bore me with their endless talking which i dont give a flying fish AND giving me a cold shoulder. Please, look at yourself before stepping over the line. I have to be tolerant of your incessant talking about stuffs which bore me to death and pretend that i actually care to be nice and all you do is to give me attitude? Oh what a child's play. I have no interest in keeping you in my life in the long term anyway. Shall save my energy for more important stuff. Totally not worth it. *yawns* Godness im becoming more and more bitchy. I shall stop with my rants. Till then!

Every now and then i will get a little nostalgic whenever i see your updates, but nah. Im not upset over you anymore. Actually, ive stopped being upset over you because ive wasted too much tears and time earnestly trying to win you back. Little did i know that you dont deserve me. You dont even come across my mind anymore for like a year and its surprisingly odd for someone as emotional as me. Well, i used to describe myself that ' im a weak little flower that will be blown away by the slightest gust of the wind. ' but boy this little flower turned rigid and firmly standing tall. The pain that you had given me was excruciating, but nonetheless ive learnt more about you. You are just someone who would get bored and move on and hoping that you can get someone better. Oh sweetie, please be realistic, no one will ever be ever to tolerate your hot temper, your bossy little attitude and your clingy behaviour. Just saying;) its your loss, not mine. Believe what you want, but everyone clearly knows you are the one who had sinned and you should be ashamed. Tata! Anyway, cant wait to get the mcqs done and over with. Geeesh, its like a never ending suspense that is slowly manifesting as each day goes by. I will see my freedom on Friday! I will get full marks for all my mcqs! POSITIVE VIBES WOOOHOOOO!!! ++++++++

Today i had seen a movie that had changed my life forever. I was sitting infront of my computer and negative thoughts came to haunt me again. I felt like it was a never ending cycle that is out to torment me. I texted gaolei, my senior last year, who introduced me to this movie called The Secret: laws of attraction. In the movie, it has taught me that through three steps i could achieve whatever i want to in my life. Ask, answer and receive. Always ask the universe for what you want, and as what the movie said ' treat the universe as a catalogue and tell the universe what you want by writting it down or thinking about it' we always have to visualize the goal that we have in mind and believe in it. In order to do so, we must filter out all the negative thoughts in our mind and turn them into positives. For example, if i want to be a physicist, i must think that i will be a physicst and not its impossible or i wish i can because thats not what affirming your thoughts is. When you think positive, it will send a signal to the universe that will give u whatever u want at the right place and the right time. Thinking negatively will send out a negative signal to the universe and it will also send it back at you. Now you see why when you have a bad day it is being prolonged the whole day because u kept thinking about the shit that has happened to you. With that, the universe will answer to your wishes and grant it to u and you are to receive it. Receiving means taking into account of every single detail that leads to your ultimate goal and not reject or doubt it. All my life i kept thinking how miserable my life is and how ive worked so much harder than the others but dont get what i want. It doesnt make sense, right? Today, i know that its because i kept putting myself down by telling people how stress i feel, how useless i am and dwell on my incapabilities and what i cant have. I am the obstacle to my goals and all along i didnt see it till this very day. It really changes the mindset that i have. Ive always not dared to dream, for the fear that my dreams will be dashed and i will be left with nothing but disappointments. If i dont believe in myself, who else can? From today, i can visualize myself sitting infront of miss morni and miss yang with smiles on their faces and congratulating me for how well ive done. I will be there, bursting into tears of joy and i will go up and hug yunhan and break the news to him. I will see his face light up and hug me back tightly and we share the joy together. I will be in Temasek Junior College where i will spend my 2 years in the same school as bennett and yunhan like ive promised and i will be studying physics, chemistry, math and economics/literature. Yes, that will happen. I am not going to be negative anymore and im going to start believing in myself that i can do it. I AM POWERFUL BEYOND MY MEASURE. Temasek junior college, i will be there next year. (: "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." Albert Einstein "Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve" W. Clement Stone

Im writting this blog post about an amazing woman who had impacted my life greatly. She, is my math tuition teacher miss kerk. Ive first known her after my mother has found her on an online website as my tutor since secondary 2. My first impression of her when she walked to my doorsteps was 'wow, she is one meticulous teacher' judging by her neatly bunned up hair and her thick black spectacles. She was always dressed with her fabourite black round neck shirt with a big button on the left. At first, i really thought that she is just an ordinary teacher. But day after day it past by and i grew fonder of her. She really put her heart and soul into teaching and i could feel it that motivated me to start doing well for math. I gave her disappointments after disappointments. I failed my secondary 2 final year exams even though ive put in lots of effort. The breaking point of me was when i failed my midyear and my final year sec 3 exams which i really felt so disheartened and that im deemed to fail my math forever. I felt so broken that i almost lost hope in myself and all the determination which burnt so bright and furious in me. I was crying endlessly but she told me not to give up. She had sent me long text with lots of happy emoticons to cheer me up. Although it took awhile for me to get back on track, it was her who was there for me and pushed me not to give up. If i did that time, my math would end up in flames just like my chemistry which i never grew passion in it. It was Finally the sec 4 mid year exams that ive managed to get a B4 for my math. I was so exhilrated that i broke into tears of joy, that unexplainable happiness bursts within you and you feel as though you're on cloud 9. Even though my prelims slipped and got a C5, she kept on encouraging me that its the ultimate goal that matters: O levels. Whatever my o level for my math is, im still really grateful that she had put in her heart and soul into teaching me. I could never ever repay her kindness and her sacrifice she had made for me. All those memories that ive had with her will always be etched to my heart: athe long smiley texts, the days where she fetched me from school in her car back home, the heartwarming smile that greets me and her words of encouragement before she leaves my doorstep, those saturday morning tuition. Now that my Math o level is over, my saturdays seemed so empty without her presence. It really seem like my daily routine has been switched and my saturdays are free. It felt so weird, so surreal. Its just like a part of me being ripped away and leaving me with a parched soul. She can never be described in words because she is beyond greatness. I would miss her so bad. I admit that i even cry sometimes when i think of her. Yeah, yeah im sentimental and emotional. But hey, who wouldnt miss her? Im sure other students would miss her as much as me. Miss kerk, thankyou for the 2 years of fond memories that we've shared. I will never forget you. (: you are the best teacher that ive ever had. You are the greatest gift that god could ever give to me.

Sometimes in life we often take things for granted just because they are always there for you when you need them, just like how your mother will always be there for you unconditionally. When ive thought back about this year, my life was really a mess, even on new year's eve when i dwelled over a guy that was taken which, i admit, i really really liked back in my primary school days. Guess i was just a moment too late. But oh well! Being in temasek secondary for the last year really excites me because, like ive said a many thousand of times, that i cannot wait to get out of this hell hole. I've always thought that my life would suck throughout my secondary four years. Yes, sometimes it sucked, but things turned out better. Somehow, i started becoming real close to azizah and yixian whom had became my best friends in temasek. Ive also met many random awesome people along the way and got close with like hema and karan. Of course, some had always stayed as good friends. What was the turning point in my life was the guy that sat right beside me during the 1st lesson in chemistry lab. Sure, we often talked a little and poked fun at each other during titration in the midst of preparing for our spa. However, we didnt really speak to each other outside the lab. One day, he decided to text me after our end of year chemistry paper and we started to text. As he seemed like a really typical-oh-so-nice-and-innocent guy, i made the effort to continue texting him and it turned out to be a daily routine. I started pouring out all my deepest darkest secrets to him that i would have never told anyone and trusted him more and more when the days go by. He is indeed a reliable and trustworthy guy that any girl who die to have as their 'gay guy friend' because he never judges, and trust me, he doesnt. At the start of the year, i was still very lovestruck and fantasize about a really attractive guy, whom of course i knew, would never be with me even if i had dream. He was the one who brought me out of my fantasy and started telling me to give it up because i deserved better. And yes, it is definitely true. However, i started to treat him really bad because i knew he was someone who will not retaliate even when its downright my fault and im being unreasonable. I can go to the extend whereby i could feel anger coursing through my veins to my hands that tempted me to slap him because of his minor flaws (like being late, being lazy). Deep down i know that he is a great guy, but sometimes anger caught hold of me and i became very impulsive. Of course, i never beat him duh, i was just exaggerating but you get my point. Everytime when the anger subsides, i will feel a surge of guilt flowing within me and when i think back, i had definitely made a big fuss out of something so insignificant. Sometimes, i really feel that i think too highly of myself that whatever he does is useless that made me feel that way. Maybe its just the strong willpower to push anyone away who wants to disrupt my path to succeed ( which is scoring well for Os right now) and i am that kind of person who would really cut off all contacts with my friend if he/she doesnt place any value in their studies/lazy/incompetent. To you if you are reading this: Im sorry. I will definitely change for the better after Os and i can think more clearly when all these stress subside. Right now, i need to finish my last subject and i need to focus. And, thankyou for everything (:

Like everyone else on this world. Im flawed. Im never perfect. These flaws seems to mould me into someone that I would really hate if I were to become another person. I have anger issues. Yes, I may seem calm, cheerful and everything but I have so much resentment in me that I vent at anyone and snap at everyone. The worst person that faces all my angers is actually yunhan. I would yell at him when he doesn’t tell me what he wants to say clearly like where and when to meet or what is his intention of doing certain things. I can’t stand his laziness and his lack of sensitivity towards my feelings. I cant stand it when he is late just for a few minutes, I can’t stand him asking too many questions because it irritates me. I would go to extreme ends to express my anger by pushing him away and yell at him when he didn’t do anything wrong. Ironically, It was the exact same thing that B did to me because he always thinks that he is so mighty and im inferior towards him. I feel exactly the same towards yunhan; going around thinking that im superior and he must give in to me. I have no idea how he can stand my temper throughout these 8 months. I really hate myself for being so nasty towards such a great gentleman like him and it really heart wrenching to see him getting hurt and me being a monster. I constantly compare him towards his brother who is an overachiever and constantly complained about his looks when he is always the one complementing me constantly whenever I feel insecure and even sending ‘Good morning, beautiful!’ everyday. I always take his messages and his tolerance for granted. Who knows one day he might snap and he will be gone forever. I really salute him for being able to stand my anger. Because of yunhan’s tolerance, he had let this monster grow in me. I constantly feel angry when things don’t go my way. It was until I snapped when B didn’t reply my text and rejected my call. I seriously feel like stabbing myself for being so selfish and thinking about myself all the fucking time. I constantly feel that im better than everyone at everything and I must be the best at everything. If I don’t, I will feel like a major loser and blame myself for being so useless. I am definitely guilty at looking down at people and I have no idea why I subconsciously do that. Im not so great and mighty myself. I expect a lot from myself. It may be because that my mother had to give up her education at TJC because she didn’t even have enough money and I want to get a high paying job so that she doesn’t have to live day by day on her pay and save up her money just to spend on me. I’ve been given the luxury of having my own room, study table and a perfect family. What more could I ever want from them? My mother had never stress on education. She would always tell me to try my very best, and that’s all that mattered to her. However, it was more than that for me. Im so driven to do well in life and I had the mindset that if I graduate with flying colors from university I was able to get what I wanted; materialistic wealth. After 10 years of my life studying, I kind of figured out that studying isn’t my forte. I push, I pushed myself so hard that I constantly break down because I constantly being reminded that I wasn’t good enough by the school and my grades. Deep down inside, I know that in incapable and that is already my best because trust me, when I say I work hard, I work 10x harder than anyone else. I had never gotten what I want. Everyone had their A*s and their 240-260 scores in their PSLE and im a loser with 233 after working so much harder than them. I thought secondary school would be different but it is just all the same. I can even tell that my primary school 6/4 friends look down on me when I told them ive gotten B3 for my Chinese after retaking it for the second time when no one fell below an A2 in their first attempt. I felt like a complete loser with no direction ahead of me. My future seems so bleak because all I ever do was give my best, but apparently I have to accept that best wasn’t good enough. It never will be for the society. Am I so useless? I fail at so many things that im forced to believe that im not gonna make it. It hurts. Maybe I had chosen the wrong school to be in. Honestly, when I had first stepped into temasek, I don’t even feel that I belong. 4 years had gone by and nothing has changed. I still feel the same way I did 4 years ago. Somehow, I feel that Im able to bloom if im somewhere else, somewhere but this school which I don’t belong. It had been tortuous for me. Ive lost my group of friends, ive lost the passion for the things that actually matter like class manager because of incapable- I shall not say. I wasn’t given enough attention and practice because of my Chinese teacher in secondary three who is seriously irresponsible. For the first time in my life, I had never felt so lonely before after he had left me. I felt like it was the end of the world because he used to be such a huge part of my life. I lost everything. I came to temasek with nothing and leave with no good memories being forged. The only wish that I ever want is to get 6 points for my o levels to get Into TJC and escape this hellhole forever. Ive lost 4 years of my precious life trying to figure out who I really am and where I fit. For an insecure girl who constantly needs attention and company, I really needed so much courage and strength just to be alone. However, I grown stronger. I’ve grown independent and had learnt to rely on nobody but myself. The only person that kept me sane was my dearest best friend. I still remember that pact I had made with her when I was back in secondary 1, sitting at tanah merah platform texting her after ive gotten my term 1 progress report. Time flew, and its O levels. I don’t even know that I can make it to the same jc as her, and im just gonna feel so devastated when I receive my results next year, thinking that how my stupidity had caused me my chance of being in the same jc as her. I really, really love her so much. She saw me through the lowest point in my life. She really did. Looking back, ive hurt so many people in the progress of pursuing my studies. Ive always snapped at anyone who will get in my way of my studies, and I even cut ties with a dear friend because she always wanted to go out with me but I didn’t had the time and I felt that she was a hindrance towards my goal. I don’t even know those sacrifices are worth it. Right now, all I can do is to look forward and pray that my future after graduating from temasek will be a better one. Trust me, anywhere is better than temasek. I even urge my brother not to go to temasek because it sucks like shit in so many ways, especially with a screwed up Chinese department forcing people to drop hcl when they don’t the requirements, firing squads, forcing people to drop subjects just because our prelims are bad. Fuck this school. Im gonna be out of this school soon and im never coming back. Never.

All along i was afraid to tell you the truth. All because i dont want to lose a friend like you. Honestly, i had never seen such gorgeous guy in my life, the way you smile sweeps girls off their feet. I cant even find the adjectives to describe how good looking you are. It was maybe the lust i had for you that made me thought that i was in love with you. However, i came to realize that it eill never be mutual because you are way out of my league and im obviously not the type of girl you will go for. Its a brutal truth that i gotta accept. I have no idea why i cant let it go; probably because i know that i will never be on speaking terms with you if i said no straight forwardly. With Os so near and suddenly you came back into my life. All that lust that ive had all came rushing back into my heart like an unstoppable inferno. I can never take my eyes away from you. I guess i just have to let this all go here and now, at least after Os. Even though i know that it suggests the end of us, i really hope that you will regard me as a really good friend; but chances are really slim. I dont see any reason for you to talk to me anymore, like i've said, we are two very different people from two very different worlds. The only thing for me to do is to reassure myself is to tell myself that if you really do regard me as someone important in your life, you will talk to me; but nah. screw that. you will never do that. O levels are really taking my life away, its mentally and emotionally draining. Ever since bennet has early admission into TJC through basketball, i had swore to myself that i will work extremely hard to be in TJC like what ive promised him. Its heart wrenching to picture his disappointment in me if i didnt. I've been getting 3 hours of sleep every single day and stayed back everyday till 6 to study and consultations. I really want to get into TJC so badly that im willing to sacrifice anything and everything that i have for the remining 2 weeks to make a difference. My prelims were horrendous with l1R5 of 27 even though ive worked hard. From where i am now, it seems that TJC is an impossible goal for me. Nevertheless, i will fight till the very end; at least i know i've given my best and pray the odds to be in my favour. Im not gonna give up now, i've come so far. 2 more weeks. Just two more weeks. P.S. : To the person im referring to, im glad that you've overcome your habit. If thats at the expense of cutting contacts with me, i totally understand. You dont need to be sorry or guilty. I just want you to be happy. If you are, i am too(:

The only regret that i had ever made in my life, was choosing temasek secondary school.

My prelims results was horrendous and i was disheartened and my hopes shattered when i've received my last paper, which is physics that i had put in my effort, heart and soul into it. I can't believe that i've failed a subject that im most confident in. It literally crushed my heart and the burning passion inside me had went away and sorrow overwhelmed me.

When i say that my results are atrocious, i really mean it. I've got C5 for everything, C6 for physics, and F9 for chemistry.

Whats worse is when your teachers starts to doubt you and accusing you of not studying, and even persuading you time and again to drop to combine science when you had down right made your choice of keeping it. It is disgraceful for being singled out every fucking FTCT to waste time doing SHIT like persuading you to drop to combine science and lecturing you how bad your results are. Shut up, I know that my results arent fantastic, but who are you to look down on me like that and take away my pure sciences? You would always say that the chances of getting A1 for combine science is higher blah blah blah and brain wash you into taking combine science. but NO. I strongly believe that i will, and i WILL, get A1 for my physics and i wont sacrifice that for anything else in the world. And please, instead of lecturing and making us feel bad, why not let us STUDY AND STOP WASTING OUR TIME. When ive given you my answer as a no, i mean it and you jolly well just suck it up and stop asking me again and again.

The school system is totally fucked. I dont see whats so awesome about temasek, but rather a school that manipulates people into people whom they want you to be. Im a very egoistic person and i cant stand being looked down by people and being pitied. Yes, i am arrogant but i can't change it. As much as i want to, it is who i am and it is because of my persistence and strong will that im able to push myself to do the impossible even though i clearly know that im pushing myself too hard. This is the burning flame in me that keeps me going and press on even though they are at times of giving up. I want a 6 points in O levels so bad, so bad that i often cry myself to bed because of the overwhelming stress. I know that im not smart, and it is unattainable. However, i would not give up trying until i've given it my all. I would not go down without a fight. This is something that differentiates me from the others, but sometimes it can be a torture because of the constant disappointments and failures that i've faced. I still fight, i will fight till the very end no matter how many times im being knocked down. It's not easy being someone who studies conscientiously but yet yields fucked up results.

Imagine being told that you aren't able to take A math because you've failed your maths ever since secondary two. Imagine being kicked out from higher chinese that you've spent your last 3 years devoting your blood, soul and 2 hours extra lessons just to take hcl and had gotten a C5. Imagine retaking it again and getting a B3. Same goes to my maths and physics. Ive pumped it so much effort, yet the results dont show. When i mean it doesnt show, i really mean Cs. It really frightens me as sometimes i am so close to giving up but held on after so much setbacks in my secondary school life. Failure stabbed me countless times repeatedly, and it took me a lot of courage and resilience to stand up again and face my fears and overcoming my obstacles; its not easy.

I really, really do hope that the day i receive my O level results, I will see a beautiful 'L1R5: 6' on my paper.

I wouldn't be able to pull through this tough week without the moral support from my friends like freda, for always being there for me and going consultations with me every single day. Serena, who constantly encouraged me and reminds me that i am a strong woman and taught me how to face my fears. And yunhan, for always being the punching bag for me whenever i explode and act impulsively because of my pet up fustrations and anger.


And, im really sorry for the outburst, but what im really trying to tell all of you that you are very fortunate to have decent grades and not getting chased by teachers everyday to demoralize you and remind you how awful you are and persuading to drop to combine science. I understand where all of you are coming from, but i really hate it when you whine on and on and on about your 'poor' results in front of me. I just really hope that all of you wake up and be thankful for it. Im sorry.

Okay, the week hasn't been great and to be honest it was really terrible for me. I ended up eating excessively to take my depression away and i ended up getting more depressed about my weight. So i've gained some weight and i really, really wanna lose them before it gets stuck with me permanantly.

I was browsing through some diet plans and came across this morning banana diet plan. It is a diet whereby you must eat a banana, or as many as you like till you are full and 8 ounces of water and eat reasonably for the rest of the day, meaning that no snacking or fast food.

Gonna try it out tomorrow. :) Cant wait.

Its been quite some time since i've blogged cause my computer has gotten virus. Damn.
Didn't really have had a chance to blog about the USS trip with the lovelies. Shall start from there!




 Me and shann after mummy ride!


After the mummy ride we went to collect our bags in the locker. It started pouring heavy rain and everyone was squeezing with one another. The santrid smell of rain and the odour from the sweat of the people around me was simply unpleasant. Gennie, shann and Char bought raincoats while i shared umbrella with felicia.

We went to the 'far far away' land which was my favourite part of USS cause everything seems so princessy. :)

 The big-ass screen!



 lovely gennie with the donkeh!

Accompanied shann to verious shops to collect some free gift or something. Look at the candy shop! :D


 The polaroid flim that we took with Puss in Boots earlier on!
 Charlotte was blown away by the mee fen roll at the bottom right. AHAHAHAHA! :)

Madagascar gift shop!









We left USS at around 8.00-ish and went to Hersheys to buy chocolates :) We got back to Habourfront after waiting for 30mins to get up the sentosa train platform cause there are way too many people going back at that time. Felicia and gennie went down the basement to buy some pie in Burger King while charlotte left early. He dragged me out to the open area of vivo and just nice there were fireworks from Sentosa. He gave me my birthday present (not telling you what!) as we watched beautiful fire crackers bursting into colorful sparks in the sky.

Went back to the food republic to meet gennie and felicia and ate. He left as he lives there while i took the train back with gennie and felicia. Gennie and I had an uncomfortable experience with some bitch on the train who wanted to stomp us for sitting down while she herself is a well abled woman of her 30s. I dont see any elerly around who needed the seat, so why must i give in to you when you are capable of standing on your own feet? Assholes everywhere.

Reached home around 11 and texted all the girls and him goodnight and fell asleep almost immediately. It was a day to be remembered ;) I've truly enjoyed myself that day. Really wish outings like this could come by more often.


...


On my actual birthday i had O level listening comprehension for chinese. Sad. Went to eat with him after school at Seoul Garden. The food was yummy. I dont know why but the only thing that i like was the egg noodles and the teriyaki chicken. HEHEHE, im such a waste of money :P oh well!




Last Friday went to Evening under the stars cause he secretly bought tickets for me without me knowing. Was planning to stay at home and mug like a boss but oh well. It was sweet of him though (; Ate at vivo city's Kim gary and went back to school at 7.00pm for EUTS:) it was a great performance!


 Oh, not to forget pressie's from the excos and the annoying orange ;)
Man its a long post. Anyway, toodles! :) Tired alr, hahaha!

Hi people! First day of school wasn't so bad as i thought it would be after all. I kinda look forward to it cause i get to see x and of course my darlings azizah&yixian! However azizah sprained her finger( hahaha cute her ! ) But nevermind i get to see her later! (Wednesday).

It was a pleasant surprise that i wasnt in the emath remedial cause i've gotten a B4. I guess Mr C. trusts me to study well on my own. But whatever cause im gonna be in the remedial anyway cause he's gonna set tests after tests to try to put people in his remedial and of course im the weak one obviously i would be down. BUT ITS OK! :D

I feel so weird carrying my school back and everything in the morning. I've got my motivation and drive back on and its time to get started! Since i've wasted my whole holidays because i have absolutely no self discipline, i have to buck up now if not its too late.

I've just realized that ive been making the same mistakes for all my subjects over and over again which made me lose quite a lot of marks. Now im planning to target all those holes that i didnt fill in for every chapters and build up my so-called-shakily-standing-tower of knowledge. Wohohoho.

Im not really in a very good luck cause i've got my period on the first day of school. What's more, ive been having diarrhea for the past few hours running to my toilet and this experience is really horrible.

Time is really, really tight now and if i don't buck up i would definitely lose out during prelims.
There's chinese o level coming up next tuesday and also chemistry O level SPA skill 3. O level Listening would be on my birthday 17th July. (Yeah i know sian right)
Physics SPA would be on week 4. Gotta clear all these so i can be at ease.

There's just so much work to be done when i think about it. And of course my english, social studies as well as my literature needs to be polished really, really a lot. Math, POA, Physics least worries me because i know where i am supposed to work on. To be honest, i've really no idea how am i going to pass my chemistry in O levels because i simply just can't find any drive to give any f*** about it anymore. I know its really wasteful and all but even if you take a knife and threaten me to study i wouldn't. I dont know why i have such strong hatred towards this subject. Of course, i really want to do well, i mean who doesnt right? I think im just going to press on and see what i squeeze out of myself within the next few months provided im comfortable with my core subjects.

I really want to see myself blossom when prelim comes and results will show that im working towards my goals.

I've also realised that i've been having so much negative thoughts like, ' What if i screwed up my SPA and there is no way that my written papers can save me? ' ' What if i blank out? ' ' What if i work hard but my results doesnt show? ' Well screw all this negative thoughts cause im gonna conquer them! Sitting around worrying all day isnt gonna change my Cs to As, and neither will it let me PASS my chemistry. So i've found this quote to remind myself when im flooded with negative thoughts. ' Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't, you're right. ' - Henry Ford. Its a quote that my trainer Kelvin in Mindchamps when i've attended it back in secondary 1 kept reminding us about. Having a positive mindset is very important as it really gives you the motivation to carry on no matter how tough it gets. There is absolutely no point whinning because NO ONE GIVES A DAMN. At the end of the day, you suffer because you get horrid results BECAUSE you cannot change your mindset to tell yourself YOU CAN, so therefore you dont even bother TRYING. Im someone who is afraid of failures and im overcoming this obstacle now. ' I AM powerful beyond measure ', and i believe that so long as i have faith in myself, i can push through anything.

Sorry for the naggy post cause i felt inspirational-ish all of a sudden. :)
Well, my next post would be about a special someone in my life and i will be updating on Monday night.
See ya on Monz! xoxo.