Edit: This post has been in my draft for quite some time now. I was contemplating if I should post this up because the feelings that goes with the writings are still very much raw and it makes me feel vulnerable to open up to the world. However, I've decided to post it up anyway, as a recollection of how my 2016 had been when I look back years from today
2016 has been a fulfilling yet challenging year for me.
It was a year of self discovery.
A year of change.
1) An attempt to change course
As many of you know I have been quite unhappy with my course at the end of Y1S1. I have made the brave decision to "take a break" from the rigorous, torturous curriculum by loading up four modules from WKWSCI, one Liberal Arts module to clear off my GERPE & Computing which I then eventually dropped in the semester.
Y1S2 courses
It felt so surreal.
Walking through WKW's side gate and onto the pathways to the seminar rooms.
Even bothered to dress up instead of the tees + FBT combi
Bright eyed and a burning desire to learn.
Though, I had took all the WKW's modules alone cause my friends were clearing their cores at that point of time.
As time passes by I slowly began to drift from all my EEE friends.
It was never intentional, obviously. I was busy fighting for my dreams while they were fighting to stay afloat in EEE.
I do not have the same timetable as them anymore, let alone see them around in school.
On the up side, It opened my eyes to many people from different faculties, like QiuYan and Thet from CS8700 and Shermaine from CS2403. I've also met Elizabeth in CS0204 since she was taking as her IEM core.
With Elizabeth at the last BMW lesson
It wasn't easy because my brain was drilled repeatedly in the Math & Science department that I've forgotten how to let my creativity flow, or even sitting my ass down and researching and producing a ten page report.
I've met Shermaine, a graduating WKWSCI student in 2016 and she made me realised how inadequate I was in this field of study.
Shermaine & I after our finals for CS2403
I remembered having a group project which needed us to use Photoshop Illustrator to create visuals for a poster that promotes recycling. She did the icons so effortlessly while I was just trying to get the theory part done.
I felt like I have been left on the shelves for too long rusting away in this area of expertise and I have so much self improvement to be done.
I felt like I have been left on the shelves for too long rusting away in this area of expertise and I have so much self improvement to be done.
Y1S2 was pretty extraordinary to me, even though it deviates from the path ordinary EEE students would've taken.
It made me opened up my eyes in areas that I'm lacking at and the realisation that I'm steering away from my own personal goals.
Life was like a dream come true, walking through the doors of WKW to class four times a week as though I'm one of them, walking down the walkways with much familiarity of the layout of the school.
It made me opened up my eyes in areas that I'm lacking at and the realisation that I'm steering away from my own personal goals.
Life was like a dream come true, walking through the doors of WKW to class four times a week as though I'm one of them, walking down the walkways with much familiarity of the layout of the school.
It had struck me pretty bad when I didn't manage to go to WKW in the end - (underlying reason being my A level scores being too sucky), but that will be on another post.
2) Self development
Over the holidays the torture of 6 times a week had begun, to prepare ourselves for the upcoming PM Cup on 24 July.
Those were the days were Mondays isn't Monday blues for us and weekends were a torture putting up with merciless heatwaves at Kallang.
It was tough, not gonna lie.
Soon enough, everything had became a routine and you're pretty much numb to the ardous trainings.
When it all ended, the satisfaction that I actually did something productive with my summer and all those memories created throughout the intensive training settled in.
Those were the days were Mondays isn't Monday blues for us and weekends were a torture putting up with merciless heatwaves at Kallang.
It was tough, not gonna lie.
Soon enough, everything had became a routine and you're pretty much numb to the ardous trainings.
When it all ended, the satisfaction that I actually did something productive with my summer and all those memories created throughout the intensive training settled in.
Little did I know that everything will change in that blink of an eye.
In the midst of all those back breaking tear filled training, I didn't know it was going to be the last memory that I will share with Emeline, someone that was my motivation to complete one year of Dragonboating.
A new season started and while we were all still feeling high over the completion of a tough summer, it kicked in that I was kinda alone because I was always with Emeline.
I had continued on another season in Dragonboating at the same time coping with the EEE curriculum that I'm flung back in.
A new Academic Year started and everything went so wrong.
There were so many sleepless nights, not because I was studying my ass off into the night but the stress and anxiety that came with it.
I did not understand the stress that was always looming over me. I kept thinking it was my studies and the dislike of my course, or probably the limited time I had with my boyfriend.
I had some time to reflect over rainy evenings and late nights thoughts, I had realised that the underlying root cause of my unhappiness was that I don't enjoy my CCA anymore.
I didn't enjoy it anymore because my studies were in a mess. The intensity of the curriculum were so different and I felt like I couldn't breathe going through every single week.
Being a sportsman, physical well being is important and is often mentioned about ways of taking care of over used muscles or old injuries. But one thing that people fail to realise is that mental well being is equally important as well.
Life can be tough, life can be challenging that it breaks you. It matters when you need to call halt on the things that are bringing more damage to you than good.
Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not real.
Mental issues are something seen as something you can change and control as well as overcome. If you can't do the above, you are perceived as weak.
I had came to a point where I'm so mentally unfit that I wanted to quit school altogether.
I've tried to bounce back from feeling this way, but I guess I just wasn't strong enough to overcome the stress coming from both studies and having an intensive CCA.
But I'm no quitter. I never was.
I had never dared to walked away from something before completing it, even though it may not be what is the best for me. Sure, I had definitely whined a lot but I stayed and fought on.
But not this time.
Through 2016, I feel like I am in the process of growing up.
It was a fight against my ego or happiness.
This time, I chose happiness.
Because no amount of medals can make me feel happy, and no amount of regrets can make me turn back time and wished that I could have made use better of my time i.e. studying
I just simply couldn't balance as well as my teammates and it did reflect on my GPA this semester.
My ego has always been the one making decisions for me. It had made me stayed in the team throughout this entire semester thinking I could still handle both CCA and studies which deep down in my heart I knew I could not do it.
Sure, it is a factor to drive me to push my boundaries and not give up in face of adversities. However, it had also been the very reason why I have so many regrets in my academic life.
I'm 20, turning 21 in 2017. It's time for me to stop making decisions based on how people view me but rather what I really want.
I need to follow my heart and stop trying to please everyone else to form a projection of me that I want people to view me.
It's time for me to understand that superficial things don't lasts and it isn't worth it anyway because obviously no matter how hard you try you can never please anyone with what you choose to do/be.
To face the fact that quitting is not considered weak. Just a start of something new.
It has been a really fulfilling and emotional 2016 but I had learnt so much this year, more than any other year. It is the year that I've felt that I've truly grown as a person.
NS had made the relationship with Keng Seng grown stronger. Seeing him go through NS from a Private to Cadet and finally a Sergeant made me so proud of him.
There were days where we go by not seeing each other for a week or so, sometimes a month.
It had made me cherish the times that I had with him and every single date with him felt special.
Most of the time, Seng and I would just give up even going out on Saturdays because we were both so drained from training and NS.
But, anytime spent with him is a day well spent, right?
There were times where I see couples in school or when I'm in town and how it made me wished that he was there with me.
But at the end of the day, the feeling I get when I finally got to see him is priceless and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Nothing worth it is ever easy and I'm sure we can brace through one more year of NS together.
In the midst of all those back breaking tear filled training, I didn't know it was going to be the last memory that I will share with Emeline, someone that was my motivation to complete one year of Dragonboating.
A new season started and while we were all still feeling high over the completion of a tough summer, it kicked in that I was kinda alone because I was always with Emeline.
I had continued on another season in Dragonboating at the same time coping with the EEE curriculum that I'm flung back in.
A new Academic Year started and everything went so wrong.
There were so many sleepless nights, not because I was studying my ass off into the night but the stress and anxiety that came with it.
I did not understand the stress that was always looming over me. I kept thinking it was my studies and the dislike of my course, or probably the limited time I had with my boyfriend.
I had some time to reflect over rainy evenings and late nights thoughts, I had realised that the underlying root cause of my unhappiness was that I don't enjoy my CCA anymore.
I didn't enjoy it anymore because my studies were in a mess. The intensity of the curriculum were so different and I felt like I couldn't breathe going through every single week.
I simply just couldn't balance, and I was suffocating.
Being a sportsman, physical well being is important and is often mentioned about ways of taking care of over used muscles or old injuries. But one thing that people fail to realise is that mental well being is equally important as well.
Life can be tough, life can be challenging that it breaks you. It matters when you need to call halt on the things that are bringing more damage to you than good.
Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not real.
Mental issues are something seen as something you can change and control as well as overcome. If you can't do the above, you are perceived as weak.
I had came to a point where I'm so mentally unfit that I wanted to quit school altogether.
I've tried to bounce back from feeling this way, but I guess I just wasn't strong enough to overcome the stress coming from both studies and having an intensive CCA.
But I'm no quitter. I never was.
I had never dared to walked away from something before completing it, even though it may not be what is the best for me. Sure, I had definitely whined a lot but I stayed and fought on.
But not this time.
I had decided to stop my CCA and focus on my studies.
Through 2016, I feel like I am in the process of growing up.
It was a fight against my ego or happiness.
This time, I chose happiness.
Because no amount of medals can make me feel happy, and no amount of regrets can make me turn back time and wished that I could have made use better of my time i.e. studying
I just simply couldn't balance as well as my teammates and it did reflect on my GPA this semester.
My ego has always been the one making decisions for me. It had made me stayed in the team throughout this entire semester thinking I could still handle both CCA and studies which deep down in my heart I knew I could not do it.
Sure, it is a factor to drive me to push my boundaries and not give up in face of adversities. However, it had also been the very reason why I have so many regrets in my academic life.
I'm 20, turning 21 in 2017. It's time for me to stop making decisions based on how people view me but rather what I really want.
I need to follow my heart and stop trying to please everyone else to form a projection of me that I want people to view me.
It's time for me to understand that superficial things don't lasts and it isn't worth it anyway because obviously no matter how hard you try you can never please anyone with what you choose to do/be.
To face the fact that quitting is not considered weak. Just a start of something new.
It has been a really fulfilling and emotional 2016 but I had learnt so much this year, more than any other year. It is the year that I've felt that I've truly grown as a person.
3) Friends through hard times,
are friends for life
As mentioned, I had smoked and struggled through my Y2S1 but of course with the help of Asgardians whom had welcomed me back with open arms and really made me push on and finish what I had intended to clear for the semester. Thank You friends, I wouldn't have made it without all of you. Thank you for never shutting your doors on me and helped me through my dark times. You know who you are ;)
Of course, the group of people I used to see every single day till I'm so sick and tired of all of you.
Thank you for the memories all of you had left me during my time in NTUDB.
From OST Mondays with Vanessa Teo to GPA 5.0 mugging our asses off at North Spine emptying our wallets at Starbucks.
Thank you for bracing the sun and rain with me and made me feel like a family to all of you. Thank you for pushing together,
I'll be there to support all of you, but this time from the shore.
Once a batchie, always a batchie;)
4) Seng goes to NS
NS had made the relationship with Keng Seng grown stronger. Seeing him go through NS from a Private to Cadet and finally a Sergeant made me so proud of him.
Seng in booking in for the first time after confinement weeks
Seng POP Parade
Seng Commissioning Parade
There were days where we go by not seeing each other for a week or so, sometimes a month.
It had made me cherish the times that I had with him and every single date with him felt special.
Most of the time, Seng and I would just give up even going out on Saturdays because we were both so drained from training and NS.
Just pigging around
But, anytime spent with him is a day well spent, right?
There were times where I see couples in school or when I'm in town and how it made me wished that he was there with me.
But at the end of the day, the feeling I get when I finally got to see him is priceless and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
One Year Anniversary dinner
post POP trip to Bali
With that, Goodbye 2016, you've been good to me.
