All along i was afraid to tell you the truth. All because i dont want to lose a friend like you. Honestly, i had never seen such gorgeous guy in my life, the way you smile sweeps girls off their feet. I cant even find the adjectives to describe how good looking you are.
It was maybe the lust i had for you that made me thought that i was in love with you. However, i came to realize that it eill never be mutual because you are way out of my league and im obviously not the type of girl you will go for.
Its a brutal truth that i gotta accept. I have no idea why i cant let it go; probably because i know that i will never be on speaking terms with you if i said no straight forwardly.
With Os so near and suddenly you came back into my life. All that lust that ive had all came rushing back into my heart like an unstoppable inferno. I can never take my eyes away from you.
I guess i just have to let this all go here and now, at least after Os. Even though i know that it suggests the end of us, i really hope that you will regard me as a really good friend; but chances are really slim. I dont see any reason for you to talk to me anymore, like i've said, we are two very different people from two very different worlds.
The only thing for me to do is to reassure myself is to tell myself that if you really do regard me as someone important in your life, you will talk to me; but nah. screw that. you will never do that.
O levels are really taking my life away, its mentally and emotionally draining. Ever since bennet has early admission into TJC through basketball, i had swore to myself that i will work extremely hard to be in TJC like what ive promised him. Its heart wrenching to picture his disappointment in me if i didnt.
I've been getting 3 hours of sleep every single day and stayed back everyday till 6 to study and consultations. I really want to get into TJC so badly that im willing to sacrifice anything and everything that i have for the remining 2 weeks to make a difference. My prelims were horrendous with l1R5 of 27 even though ive worked hard. From where i am now, it seems that TJC is an impossible goal for me. Nevertheless, i will fight till the very end; at least i know i've given my best and pray the odds to be in my favour.
Im not gonna give up now, i've come so far. 2 more weeks. Just two more weeks.
P.S. : To the person im referring to, im glad that you've overcome your habit. If thats at the expense of cutting contacts with me, i totally understand. You dont need to be sorry or guilty. I just want you to be happy. If you are, i am too(:
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